dcuffs the bad people, sorts out and gives back to the good people
all their various estates and wives, promises the chief villain twenty
years' penal servitude, and all is joy.

THE SAILOR.

He does suffer so with his trousers. He has to stop and pull them up
about twice every minute.

One of these days, if he is not careful, there will be an accident
happen to those trousers.

If the stage sailor will follow our advice, he will be warned in time
and will get a pair of braces.

Sailors in real life do not have nearly so much trouble with their
trousers as sailors on the stage do. Why is this? We have seen a good
deal of sailors in real life, but on only one occasion, that we can
remember, did we ever see a real sailor pull his trousers up.

And then he did not do it a bit like they do it on the stage.

The stage sailor places his right hand behind him and his left in front,
leaps up into the air, kicks out his leg behind in a gay and bird-like
way, and the thing is done.

The real sailor that we saw began by saying a bad word. Then he leaned
up against a brick wall and undid his belt, pulled up his "bags" as he
stood there (he never attempted to leap up into the air), tucked in his
jersey, shook his legs, and walked on.

It was a most unpicturesque performance to watch.

The thing that the stage sailor most craves in this life is that
somebody should shiver his timbers.

"Shiver my timbers!" is the request he makes to every one he meets. But
nobody ever does it.

His chief desire with regard to the other people in the play is that
they should "belay there, avast!" We do not know how this is done; but
the stage sailor is a good and kindly man, and we feel convinced he
would not recommend the exercise if it were not conducive to piety and
health.

The stage sailor is good to his mother and dances the hornpipe
beautifully. We have never found a real sailor who could dance a
hornpipe, though we have made extensive inquiries throughout the
profession. We were introduced to a ship's steward who offered to do us
a cellar-flap for a pot of four-half, but that was not what we wanted.

The stage sailor is gay and rollicking: the real sailors we have met
have been, some of them, the most worthy and single-minded of men, but
they have appeared sedate rather than gay, and they haven't rollicked
much.

The stage sailor seems to have an easy time of it when at sea. The
hardest work we have ever seen him do t