avre without feeling the bitter contrast between her
happiness of the year before, and her present hopelessness. "I sit, lost
in thought," she wrote to Imlay, "looking at the sea, and tears rush into
my eyes when I find that I am cherishing any fond expectations. I have
indeed been so unhappy this winter, I find it as difficult to acquire
fresh hopes as to regain tranquillity. Enough of this; be still, foolish
heart! But for the little girl, I could almost wish that it should cease
to beat, to be no more alive to the anguish of disappointment." The boat
upon which she sailed was run aground, and she was thus unexpectedly
detained at Havre. During this interval she touched still more closely
upon sorrow's crown of sorrow in remembering happier things, by writing
to Mr. Archibald Hamilton Rowan, who had escaped from his prison in
Ireland to France, and giving him certain necessary information about the
house she had left, and which he was about to occupy.

She reached London in April, 1795. Her gloomiest forebodings were
confirmed. Imlay had provided a furnished house for her, and had
considered her comforts. But his manner was changed. He was cold and
constrained, and she felt the difference immediately. He was little with
her, and business was, as of old, the excuse. According to Godwin, he had
formed another connection with a young strolling actress. Life was thus
even less bright in London than it had been in Paris. If hell is but the
shadow of a soul on fire, she was now plunged into its deepest depths.
Its tortures were more than she could endure. For her there were, indeed,
worse things waiting at the gate of life than death, and she resolved by
suicide to escape from them. This part of her story is very obscure. But
it is certain that her suicidal intentions were so nearly carried into
effect, that she had written several letters containing her, as she
thought, last wishes, and which were to be opened after all was over.
There is no exact account of the manner in which she proposed to kill
herself, nor of the means by which she was prevented. "I only know,"
Godwin says, "that Mr. Imlay became acquainted with her purpose at a
moment when he was uncertain whether or no it was already executed, and
that his feelings were roused by the intelligence. It was perhaps owing
to his activity and representations that her life was at this time saved.
She determined to continue to exist."

This event sobered both Imlay and Mar