oh rare wench!
How beautiful! I shall come off, I doubt,
But scurvily with my decrepit Eunuch.
This Girl surpasses ev'n Thais herself.

[Changes:

_Harper_
Either you'll straight return, or soon at night
Your dreams will drive you out o' doors.
PHAED. I'll toil
_Colman 1768_
Either you'll straight return, or want of sleep
Will drive you forth at midnight.
PHAED. I will toil

_PARMENO alone._
_In 1768 edition this passage is labeled SCENE II._]

SCENE II.

_Enter GNATHO leading PAMPHILA; PARMENO behind._

GNAT. Good Heav'ns! how much one man excels another!
What diff'rence 'twixt a wise man and a fool!
What just now happen'd proves it: coming hither
I met with an old countryman, a man
Of my own place and order, like myself,
No scurvy fellow, who, like me, had spent
In mirth and jollity his whole estate.
He was in a most wretched trim; his looks
Lean, sick, and dirty; and his clothes all rags.
"How now!" cried I, "what means this figure, friend?
Alas! says he, my patrimony's gone.
--Ah, how am I reduc'd! my old acquaintance
And friends all shun me."--Hearing this, how cheap
I held him in comparison with me!
"Why, how now? wretch, said I, most idle wretch!
Have you spent all, nor left ev'n hope behind?
What! have you lost your sense with your estate?
Me!--look on me--come from the same condition!
How sleek! how neat! how clad! in what good case!
I've ev'ry thing, though nothing; naught possess,
Yet naught I ever want."--"Ah, Sir, but I
Have an unhappy temper, and can't bear
To be the butt of others, or to take
A beating now and then."--"How then! d'ye think
Those are the means of thriving? No, my friend!
Such formerly indeed might drive a trade:
But mine's a new profession; I the first
That ever struck into this road. There are
A kind of men, who wish to be the head
Of ev'ry thing; but are not. These I follow;
Not for their sport and laughter, but for gain
To laugh with them, and wonder at their parts:
Whate'er they say, I praise it; if again
They contradict, I praise that too: does any
Deny? I too deny: affirm? I too
Affirm: and in a word, I've brought myself
To say, unsay, swear, and forswear, at pleasure:
And that is now the best of all professions."

PAR. A special fellow this! who drives fools mad.

GNAT. Deep in this conversation, we at length
Come to the market, where the sev'ral tradesmen,
Butchers, cooks, grocers, poult'rers, fishmongers,
(Who