sit in stony silence as if they
rather disapproved of the whole thing after all) I have evolved a
system which enables me to carry on a little constructive thinking while
reading aloud, thereby keeping the time from being entirely wasted.
Heaven knows we get little enough opportunity to sit down and think
things out in this busy work-a-day world, so that this little period of
mental freedom is in the nature of a godsend. Thus:

_What Is Being Read Aloud_

"Here he says 'Gee but this is tough luck a new automobile an' no
place to go' and the dog is saying 'It ain't so tough at that'.
Then here in the next picture the old man says: Percy ain't in my
class as a chauffeur, he ain't as fearless as me' and this one is
saying 'Hello there, that looks like the old tin Lizzie that I
gave to the General last year I guess I'll take a peek and see
what's up' 'Well what are you doing hanging around here, what do
you think this is a hotel?' 'Say where do you get that stuff you
ain't no justice of the peace you know' 'Wow! Let me out let me
out, I say' 'I'll show you biff biff wham zowie!' etc. etc."

_Concurrent Thinking_

"Here I am in the thirties and it is high time that I made
something of myself. Is my job as good as I deserve? By studying
nights I might fit myself for a better position in the foreign
exchange department, but that would mean an outlay of money.
Furthermore, is it, on the whole, wise to attempt to hurry the
workings of Fate? Is not perhaps the determinist right who says
that what we are and what we ever can be is already written in the
books, that we can not alter the workings of Destiny one iota?
This theory is, of course, tenable, but, on the whole, it seems to
me that if I were to take the matter into my own hands, etc. etc."

And then, when the last pot of boiling water has been upset over the
last grandfather's back, and Junior has slid down from your lap as near
satisfied as he ever will be, you have ten or fifteen minutes of
constructive thinking behind you, which, if practiced every Sunday, will
make you President of the company within a few years.

XVI

OPERA SYNOPSES

_Some Sample Outlines of Grand Opera Plots For Home Study._

I

DIE MEISTER-GENOSSENSCHAFT

SCENE: _The Forests of Germany_.

TIME: _Antiquity_.

CAST

STRUDEL, _God of Rain_ Basso

SCHMALZ, _God of Slight Drizzle_