ve up golf and made
himself quite miserable ... and then put it all on to his wife."

"Well, why didn't you stop me?" said Jeremy helplessly.

"I wasn't going to be a drag on you; if you'd volunteered for a
submarine I should have said nothing."

"I should be useless in a submarine," said Jeremy thoughtfully; "I
should only fall over the white mice. But I really thought you
wanted---- Why then," he cried happily, "I might play golf to-morrow,
you think?"

"I wish you would," said Mrs. Jeremy.

Jeremy took up his brassey and addressed an imaginary ball.

"Sir Jeremy Smith playing golf in a crisis," he said. "Subject for
historical picture."

A. A. M.

* * * * *

Illustration: A DESPERATE MEASURE.

_West Country Skipper (stationary in small Cornish port and ignorant
of our Navy's control of the sea)._ "IF I PUTS OUT AN' GOES EAST I BE
SUNK BY T' GERMANS, AN' IF I GOES SOUTH I BE SUNK BY T'
AUSTRIA-'UNGRIANS. IT DU SEEM AS 'OW I WERE BEST TO BIDE WHERE I BE AN'
GI' T' OLD SHIP A COAT O' PAAINT!"

* * * * *

THE WATCH DOGS.

MY DEAR BILL,--It is now upwards of a fortnight since we were torn
asunder, I being taken away to cope with the Germans and you being left
at home to protect our property against the predatory attacks of our
landlady. I imagine you would like to know how things are going with me,
but please don't trouble to answer, for I don't in the least want to
know how things are going with you. No one does, my boy; you are what we
refer to as a _something_ civilian. You must forgive us, Bill; it is one
of the too few pleasures in the life of the mobilized Territorial.

Has that rosy, well-groomed body of yours ever sought repose on the
tessellated floor of a public hall? Has it ever washed itself in an
enamel mug? Has it ever set out on a round of visits with luggage
limited to 35 lbs., inclusive of its bed? No, nor had mine before; and
yet it doesn't seem to suffer much harm from the experience. What is
more, we are beginning to find scope for little luxuries even in this
narrow compass; there are mess tins, for instance, of the larger sort in
which one may, with a little ingenuity, have a complete bath.

When I set off last Tuesday week, with my chest out and my eyes right, I
only got as far as the Infants School round the corner, where my company
was foregathered. Here we spent our time, the hundred odd of us, getting
together the