ished the "plozza" (or notched club), substituting
in its place the "sneep" (a subtle instrument of torture which by means
of the sudden expenditure of the breath would cover one's enemies with
"noonies") (or red ants).

Then, though flying in the face of time-honoured tradition, the
courageous woman completely forbade cannibalism among blood relations;
condemning this practice under the heading of "gavonah" (or incestuous
conduct) and thereby putting an end to many rowdy Sunday evenings.

Not content with these vast changes in the fundamental Island habits she
concentrated her unfailing energies on the reformation of the marriage
laws, which at that time were in a deplorably decadent condition, and
encouraged with all her might the trade of "fuahs" and "aeious" (nose
rings and hair tidies) with the "Bauoacha" Islands a few miles off.
Until the ripe age of eighty-seven she ruled her subjects trustingly and
lovingly--yet withal firmly--earning for herself from all the British
traders the nickname of "Queen Bess of the Pacific."

After her death her eldest illegitimate son, Boo-ah (Goodness Gracious)
ascended the throne, and--if we are to believe Professor Furch's "With
Dusky Friends"--went far towards undoing the unbelievable good worked by
his unflinching mother.

* * *

I have included Ah! Ah! in these memoirs--in the face of almost
overwhelming opposition (mainly on account of race prejudice) in the
first place because she was as beautiful and authoritative as any of the
European queens--and secondly because Ah! Ah! for me stands for
something ineffably noble, inspiring--not perhaps for what she has
done--maybe more for the things she left undone.

GLOSSARY

BALOONA, ENRIQUE. Artist and _dilettante_, famous for his "Portrait of
Isabella Angelica," "Spanish Peaks," and "Half-Caste Child with Orange."

BEN-HEPPLE, NICHOLAS. Eighteenth century historian. Author of "Julie de
Poopinac" (17 vols.).

BLOODWORTHY, STEPHEN. Author of "International Beauties," "Then and
Now," and "Now and Then."

BOGTOE, DOUGLAS. Company promoter and basket-work expert.

BONK, DOROTHY. First cousin to Rupert Plinge--incidentally the first New
England girl to say "Gosh!"

BOO, A. RANVILLE. Celebrated XIXth century sanitary inspector.

BOTTIBURGEN, HANS VON. Science master, Munich College. Author of "Our
Women," "Do Actresses Mind Much?" and "Life of Fritz Schnotter" (3
vols.).

BOTTLE, ELIZABETH. Adapter and translator