them all to the counter, and paid for them, and the man still
looked startled, but he took the money. He insisted on wrapping them
up, though, before I could leave.

* * * * *

The next part of this is really Larry's story, but unable as I am,
even now, to be _certain_ about his unspoken thoughts, I can only tell
it as I experienced it. I didn't do anything all that day, except wade
through the books I'd bought, piece-meal, reading a few pages here and
a chapter there. The more I read, the more confused I got. Each writer
contradicted all the others, except in regard to the few basic
biological facts that I already knew. The only real addition to my
factual knowledge was the information in the manual of technique about
contraception--and that was rather shocking, even while it was
tempting.

The mechanical contrivances these people made use of were foolish, of
course, and typical of the stage of culture they are going through. If
I wanted to prevent conception, while engaging in an act of sexual
intercourse, I could, do so, of course, but....

The shock to the glandular system wouldn't be too severe; it was the
psychological repercussions I was thinking about. The idea of pursuing
a course of action whose sole motivation was the procreative urge, and
simultaneously to decide by an act of will to refuse to procreate....

I _could_ do it, theoretically, but in practice I knew I never would.

I put the book down and went outside in the afternoon sunshine. The
motel was run by a young married couple, and I watched the woman come
out and put her baby in the playpen. She was laughing and talking to
it; she looked happy; so did the baby.

But _I_ wouldn't be. Not even if they let me. I couldn't live here and
bring up a child--children?--on this primitive, almost barbaric,
world. Never ever be able fully to communicate with anyone. Never,
ever, be entirely honest with anyone.

Then I remembered what it was like to be in Larry's arms, and wondered
what kind of communication I could want that might surpass that. Then
I went inside and took a shower and began to dress for the evening.

It was too early to get dressed. I was ready too soon. I went out and
got in the car, and pulled out onto the highway and started driving. I
was halfway up the mountain before I knew where I was going, and then
I doubled my speed.

I was scared. I ran away.

* * * * *

Ther