rself to be good outside, and feeling all the worse
inside, and feeling it longer. There is that utterly stupid little
schoolroom-maid, who is under my orders, that I may teach her. Aunt
Isobel, you would not credit how often I tell her the same thing, and
how politely she says 'Yes, miss!' and how invariably she doesn't do
it after all. I say, 'You _know_ I told you only yesterday. What _is_
the use of my trying to teach you?' and all kinds of mild things like
that; but really I quite hate her for giving me so much trouble and
taking so little herself, and I wish I might discharge her. Now, if
only it wasn't wrong to throw--what are those things hot-tempered
gentlemen always throw at their servants?"

"Don't ask me, my dear; ask Mr. Rampant."

"Oh, he throws everything. Bootjacks--that's it. Now, if only I might
throw a bootjack at her, it would waken her up, and be such a relief
to my feelings, that I shouldn't feel half so unforgiving towards her
all along. Then as to swearing, Aunt Isobel--"

"Swearing!" ejaculated my aunt.

"Of course swearing is very wrong, and all profane-speaking but I do
think it _would be_ a help if there was some innocent kind of strong
language to use when one feels strongly."

"If we didn't use up all our innocent strong language by calling
things awful and horrible that have not an element of awe or horror in
them, we should have some left for our great occasions," said Aunt
Isobel.

"Perhaps," said I, "but that's not exactly what I mean. Now do you
think it would be wrong to invent expletives that mean nothing bad? As
if Mr. Rampant were to say, 'Cockatoos and kingfishers! where are my
shooting-boots?' For you know I do think it would make him more
comfortable to put it in that way, especially if he had been kept
waiting for them."

I paused, and Aunt Isobel turned round.

"Let us carry your idea well forward, Isobel. Bootjacks and expletives
would no doubt be a relief to the thrower when hurled at servants or
some one who could not (or from principle would not) retaliate, and
the angry feelings that propelled them might be shortened by 'letting
off the steam,' so to speak. But imagine yourself to have thrown a
bootjack at Philip to relieve your feelings, and Philip (to relieve
his) flinging it back at you. This would only give fresh impetus to
_your_ indignation, and whatever you threw next would not be likely to
soothe _his_."

"Please don't!" said I. "Aunt Isobel, I could n