nscience? Do you try to explain? The old reply of mine to such
a letter shows that I tried that once. Was I satisfied with the result?
Possibly; and possibly not; probably not; almost certainly not. I have
long ago forgotten all about it. But, anyway, I append my effort:

THE REPLY

I know Mr. H., and I will go to him, dear madam, if upon reflection you
find you still desire it. There will be a conversation. I know the form
it will take. It will be like this:

MR. H. How do her books strike you?

MR. CLEMENS. I am not acquainted with them.

H. Who has been her publisher?

C. I don't know.

H. She HAS one, I suppose?

C. I--I think not.

H. Ah. You think this is her first book?

C. Yes--I suppose so. I think so.

H. What is it about? What is the character of it?

C. I believe I do not know.

H. Have you seen it?

C. Well--no, I haven't.

H. Ah-h. How long have you known her?

C. I don't know her.

H. Don't know her?

C. No.

H. Ah-h. How did you come to be interested in her book, then?

C. Well, she--she wrote and asked me to find a publisher for her, and
mentioned you.

H. Why should she apply to you instead of me?

C. She wished me to use my influence.

H. Dear me, what has INFLUENCE to do with such a matter?

C. Well, I think she thought you would be more likely to examine her
book if you were influenced.

H. Why, what we are here FOR is to examine books--anybody's book
that comes along. It's our BUSINESS. Why should we turn away a book
unexamined because it's a stranger's? It would be foolish. No publisher
does it. On what ground did she request your influence, since you do not
know her? She must have thought you knew her literature and could speak
for it. Is that it?

C. No; she knew I didn't.

H. Well, what then? She had a reason of SOME sort for believing you
competent to recommend her literature, and also under obligations to do
it?

C. Yes, I--I knew her uncle.

H. Knew her UNCLE?

C. Yes.

H. Upon my word! So, you knew her uncle; her uncle knows her literature;
he endorses it to you; the chain is complete, nothing further needed;
you are satisfied, and therefore--

C. NO, that isn't all, there are other ties. I know the cabin her uncle
lived in, in the mines; I knew his partners, too; also I came near
knowing her husband before she married him, and I DID know the abandoned
shaft where a premature blast went off and he went flying through the
air and clear dow