o convince a girl that
was laying for a title, or a title that was laying for rocks.

It seemed to me that with my inexperience it would be foolish to go into
action with this mitrailleuse, so I ordered it to the rear and told the
facchino to provide something a little more primitive to start with,
something less elaborate, some gentle old-fashioned flint-lock,
smooth-bore, double-barreled thing, calculated to cripple at two hundred
yards and kill at forty--an arrangement suitable for a beginner who
could be satisfied with moderate results on the offstart and did not
wish to take the whole territory in the first campaign.

But in vain. He was not able to mend the matter, all the verbs being
of the same build, all Gatlings, all of the same caliber and delivery,
fifty-seven to the volley, and fatal at a mile and a half. But he said
the auxiliary verb AVERE, TO HAVE, was a tidy thing, and easy to handle
in a seaway, and less likely to miss stays in going about than some of
the others; so, upon his recommendation I chose that one, and told him
to take it along and scrape its bottom and break out its spinnaker and
get it ready for business.

I will explain that a facchino is a general-utility domestic. Mine was a
horse-doctor in his better days, and a very good one.

At the end of three days the facchino-doctor-brigadier was ready. I was
also ready, with a stenographer. We were in a room called the Rope-Walk.
This is a formidably long room, as is indicated by its facetious name,
and is a good place for reviews. At 9:30 the F.-D.-B. took his place
near me and gave the word of command; the drums began to rumble and
thunder, the head of the forces appeared at an upper door, and the
"march-past" was on. Down they filed, a blaze of variegated color, each
squad gaudy in a uniform of its own and bearing a banner inscribed with
its verbal rank and quality: first the Present Tense in Mediterranean
blue and old gold, then the Past Definite in scarlet and black, then the
Imperfect in green and yellow, then the Indicative Future in the stars
and stripes, then the Old Red Sandstone Subjunctive in purple
and silver--and so on and so on, fifty-seven privates and twenty
commissioned and non-commissioned officers; certainly one of the most
fiery and dazzling and eloquent sights I have ever beheld. I could not
keep back the tears. Presently:

"Halt!" commanded the Brigadier.

"Front--face!"

"Right dress!"

"Stand at ease!"

"On