He goes on to tell his wife that she is still young, and should marry
again; and then falls into a tumult of distress over his own accusation.
Presently he grows calmer, after a wild denunciation of Cobham, and bids
his wife forgive, as he does:

Live humble, for thou hast but a time also. God forgive my Lord
Harry [Howard], for he was my heavy enemy. And for my Lord
Cecil, I thought he would never forsake me in extremity. I would
not have done it him, God knows. But do not thou know it, for he
must be master of thy child, and may have compassion of him. Be
not dismayed, that I died in despair of God's mercies. Strive
not to dispute, but assure thyself that God has not left me, nor
Satan tempted me. Hope and despair live not together. I know it
is forbidden to destroy ourselves, but I trust it is forbidden
in this sort--that we destroy not ourselves despairing of God's
mercy.

After an impassioned prayer, he speaks of his estate. His debts, he
confesses, are many, and as the latest of them he mentions what he owes
to an expedition to Virginia then on the return voyage, the expedition
in which Cecil had a share. Then his shame and anger break out again:

What will my poor servants think, at their return, when they
hear I am accused to be Spanish who sent them, at my great
charge, to plant and discover upon his territory! O intolerable
infamy! O God! I cannot resist these thoughts. I cannot live to
think how I am divided, to think of the expectation of my
enemies, the scorns I shall receive, the cruel words of lawyers,
the infamous taunts and despites, to be made a wonder and a
spectacle!... I commend unto you my poor brother Adrian Gilbert.
The lease of Sandridge is his, and none of mine. Let him have
it, for God's cause. He knows what is due to me upon it. And be
good to Keymis, for he is a perfect honest man, and hath much
wrong for my sake. For the rest I commend me to thee, and thee
to God, and the Lord knows my sorrow to part from thee and my
poor child. But part I must.... I bless my poor child; and let
him know his father was no traitor. Be bold of my innocence, for
God--to whom I offer life and soul--knows it.... And the Lord
for ever keep thee, and give thee comfort in both worlds.

There are few documents of the period more affecting than this, but he
suffered no return of this mood. The pain o