he was certain he knew how.

I told him it really looked as though he must have boarded and roomed
with Edison when he conceived the idea of making the thing.

"Are you positively certain it ever did talk?"

"I know it has talked."

"Did you ever hear it?"

"No, but my cousin did."

"Great Scott, man! you don't know whether this is a Phonograph or a
washing-machine; and I am certain it looks more like the latter. What
are we going to do?"

He said he guessed we'd better give back the money and let them go.

"Yes, that would be a bright thing! Do you suppose I'd give back this
money? Not much."

"Well, but we'll have to. What can we do?"

"What can we do? Well sir, we've got to do something to entertain these
people and hold their money, if you and I have to give them a double
song and dance."

"My gracious, Johnston, I can't dance!"

"But you have got to dance. I can't dance either, but this is a
'ground-hog case,' and we've got to dance and sing too."

"I guess I'll announce to them that you will favor them with a song and
single clog, and then we will appear together."

As I stepped to the table I heard him say:

"I'll take my hat and run!"

Then, stepping to the front, I said:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you will be patient with us a few
moments. The trouble is just this: We brought the Phonograph over here
in an open wagon, and as the weather has been cold and damp, and we
forgot to keep the thing blanketed, it took a severe cold, which seems
to have settled on its lungs, rendering it unable to speak above a
whisper. But with your kind indulgence we hope to doctor it up and be
ready to give you a nice exhibition in a few moments."

Of course I expected our audience to laugh at and ridicule the idea of
its taking cold, and was surprised that not a single person cracked a
smile, but, on the contrary, every one seemed to gaze at the instrument
with a look of sympathy.

When I returned to my partner, who was still trying to fix it, he was
nervous and showed much agitation, and said:

"Oh, what a relief. I would have sunk through the floor if you had
announced what you said you were going to."

"Do you think you can fix it?"

"It don't look like it. Say, Johnston, suppose you deliver that lecture
on Photography?"

"On Telegraphy, you mean."

"Oh yes, Telegraphy. Go ahead."

"But it won't take three minutes to tell all I know about that."

"Well then, by Jove, we've got to give back t