and he pulled away manfully. As Popworth
lifted up his loud, nasal voice, the old Doctor raised his voice, in the
vain hope, I suppose, of making himself heard by his lusty competitor.
If you have never had two blessings running opposition at your table, in
the presence of invited guests, you can never imagine how astounding,
how killingly ludicrous it was! I felt that both Linton and Gregg were
ready to tumble over, each in an apoplexy of suppressed emotions; while
I had recourse to my handkerchief to hide my tears. At length, poor
Wortleby yielded to fate,--withdrew from the unequal contest--hauled
off--for repairs; and the old seventy-two gun-ship thundered away in
triumph.

At last (as there must be an end to everything under the sun) my uncle
came to a close; and a moment of awful silence ensued, during which no
man durst look at another. But in my weak and jelly-like condition I
ventured a glance at him, and noticed that he looked up and around with
an air of satisfaction at having performed a solemn duty in a becoming
manner, blissfully unconscious of having run a poor brother off the
track. Seeing us all with moist eyes and much affected,--two or three
handkerchiefs still going,--he no doubt flattered himself that the
pathetic touches in his prayer had told.

This will give you some idea of the kind of man we had on our hands; and
I won't risk making myself as great a bore as he is, by attempting a
history of his stay with us; for I remember I set out to tell you about
my little Iron-Clad. I'm coming to that.

Suffice it to say, he stayed--he _stayed_--he STAYED!--five mortal
weeks; refusing to take hints when they almost became kicks; driving our
friends from us, and ourselves almost to distraction; his misfortunes
alone protecting him from a prompt and vigorous elimination: when a
happy chance helped me to a solution of this awful problem of destiny.

More than once I had recalled Harry's vivacious suggestion of the
scarecrow--if one could only have been invented that would sit
composedly in a chair and nod when spoken to! I was wishing for some
such automaton, to bear the brunt of the boring with which we were
afflicted, when one day there came a little man into the garden, where I
had taken refuge.

He was a short, swarthy, foreign-looking, diminutive, stiff, rather
comical fellow,--little figure mostly head, little head mostly face,
little face mostly nose, which was by no means little--a sort of human