t a pile of brick: and
finally fell headlong into the gutter. As I rose up and denounced, in
somewhat loud language, the idleness and inefficiency of the contractor
who had the work in charge, the Funny Fellow stood before me, his eyes
glaring with triumph. He spoke in reply to my denunciations:

"' My dear Green, do not call the contractor lazy and inefficient. I am
sure that his is an energy that never FLAGS!'

"I rushed to the room where I am now sealed. There is but one hope left
me.

"In the Territory of Nebraska, far to the west thereof, lies a tract of
land which the early French trappers, with shrewd fitness called the'
Mauvaises Terres.' It is a region of rocks, petrifactions, and other
pre-Adamite peculiarities. In a paper written by Dr. Leid of
Philadelphia, and published by the Smithsonian Institute, we are assured
that there once lived in these bad lands, turtles six feet square, and
alligators, compared with which the present squatter sovereigns of the
territory are lovely and refined. The fossil remains of these ancient
inhabitants still encumber the earth of that region, and make it
unpleasant to view with an agricultural eye; but here and there the
general desolation is relieved by a fertile valley, with a running brook
and green slopes. White men, whisky, and Funny Fellows have not yet
penetrated there. I will go to this sanctuary. A snug cabin will contain
my necessary household--to wit--twelve shirts and a Bible. I will plant
my corn, and tobacco, and vines on the fertile slope that looks to the
south; my cattle and sheep shall browse the rest of the valley, while a
few agile goats shall stand in picturesque positions upon the rocky
monsters described by Dr. Leidy. My guests shall be the brave and wise
red men who never try to make bad jokes. I do not think they ever try to
be Funny; but to make assurance doubly sure, I shall not learn their
language, so that any melancholy attempts they may possibly make, will
fall upon unappreciative ears. By day I will cultivate my crops and
tend my flocks and herds; and in the long evenings smoke the calumet
with the worthy aborigines. If I should find there some dusky maiden,
like Palmer's Indian girl, who has no idea of puns, polkas, crinoline,
or eligible matches, I will woo her in savage hyperbole, and she shall
light my pipe with her slender fingers, and beat for me the tom-tom when
I am sad. I will live in a calm and conscientious way; the Funny Fellow
s