I don't understand is--where you come in, Lord
Leonard.

ALCAR. Where I come in?

TEXEL. Well, I don't want to be personal, but is this Hague Conference
merely your hobby, or are you standing in with somebody?

ALCAR. I quite appreciate your delicacy. Let me assure you that, though
it gives me the greatest pleasure to see you all, I have not selected
you as the victims of a hobby. Nor have I anything whatever to gain by
stopping the trial. The reverse. At the trial I should probably have a
seat on the bench next to a delightful actress, and I should enjoy the
case very much indeed. I have no doubt that even now the learned judge
is strenuously preparing his inimitable flashes of humour, and that,
like the rest of the world, I should allow myself to be convulsed by
them. I like to think of four K.C.'s toiling hard for a miserable
hundred guineas a day each. I like to think of the solicitors, good,
honest fellows, striving their best to keep the costs as low as
possible. I even like to think of the jury with their powerful
intellects who, when we are dead and gone, Mr. Texel, will tell their
grandchildren proudly how they decided the famous case of Texel v.
Ebag. Above all, I like to think of the witnesses revelling in their
cross-examination. Nobody will be more sorry than I to miss this grand
spectacle of the greatest possible number of the greatest possible
brains employed for the greatest possible length of time in settling a
question that an average grocer's assistant could settle in five
minutes. I am human. But, I have been approached--I have been
flattered by the suggestion--that I might persuade you two gentlemen to
abandon the trial, and I may whisper to you that the abandonment of the
trial would afford satisfaction in--er--influential quarters.

TEXEL. Then are we up against the British Government? Well, go ahead.

ALCAR. (Protesting with a very courteous air of extreme astonishment.)
My dear Mr. Texel, how can I have been so clumsy as to convey such an
idea? The Government? Not in the least--not in the least. On behalf of
nobody whatever. (Confidentially.) I am merely in a position to inform
you positively that an amicable settlement of the case would be viewed
with satisfaction in influential quarters.

JANET. Well, I can tell you it would be viewed with satisfaction in a
certain street in Putney. But influential quarters--what's it got to do
with them?

ALCAR. I shall be quite frank with you. The d