ANET. What did she say?

ALCAR. Who say?

JANET. Lady Alice Rowfant, of course. Oh! You needn't pretend! As soon
as Mr. Ebag asked me to go out I knew he'd got her up his sleeve.
(Weeps slightly.)

ALCAR. (Very sympathetically.) My dear young lady, what is the matter?

JANET. (Her utterance disturbed by sobs--indicating CARVE.) He'd do it
for her, but he wouldn't do it for me!

ALCAR. I assure you, Lady Alice Rowfant has not been here.

JANET. Honest?

ALCAR. No. The mere mention of her name was sufficient.

JANET. That's even worse! (Rushing across to CARVE and pettishly
seizing his necktie. CARVE submits.) Here! Let me do it--for goodness
sake! Great clumsy! (Still tearful--to LORD LEONARD ALCAR as she ties
the necktie.) Somehow I don't mind crying in front of you, because
you're so nice and fatherly.

ALCAR. Well, if I'm so fatherly, may I venture on a little advice to you
two? (To CARVE.) You said you didn't want to be Ilam Carve. Don't
be Ilam Carve. Let Ilam Carve continue his theoretical repose in the
Abbey and you continue to be somebody else. It will save a vast amount
of trouble, and nobody will be a penny the worse. Leave
England--unobtrusively. If you feel homesick, arrange to come back
during a general election, and you will be absolutely unnoticed. You
have money. If you need more, I can dispose of as many new pictures as
you like to send.

JANET. I don't want him to paint any more pictures.

ALCAR. But he will.

JANET. I suppose he will. Why is it? As if we hadn't had enough bother
already through this art business!

ALCAR. Yes. But artists are like that, you know.

JANET. (Affectionately reproachful to CARVE.) Child! Look how nicely
I've tied it for you. (Shakes him.) Whatever are you dreaming about?

CARVE. (After glancing in mirror reflectively.) There's only one
question. Last time they buried me in the Abbey,--what will they do with
me next time?

CURTAIN.

WORKS BY ARNOLD BENNETT

NOVELS

A MAN FROM THE NORTH
ANNA OF THE FIVE TOWNS
LEONORA
A GREAT MAN
SACRED AND PROFANE LOVE
WHOM GOD HATH JOINED
BURIED ALIVE
THE OLD WIVES' TALE
THE GLIMPSE
HELEN WITH THE HIGH HAND
CLAYHANGER
THE CARD
HILDA LESSWAYS

FANTASIAS

THE GRAND BABYLON HOTEL
THE GATES OF WRATH
TERESA OF WATLING STREET
THE LOOT OF CITIES
HUGO
THE GHOST
THE CITY OF PLEASURE

SHORT STORIES

TALES OF THE FIVE TOWNS
THE GRIM SMILE OF TH