g even the leading articles.
Then, when we have finished, we frequently read them right through
again. They serve three purposes. They give us information as to how
the War is progressing--we get none here, the rank and file, that
is; they serve to pass the time; and they afford us topics for
conversation. For instance, they enable us to follow and discuss the
trend of home politics. And in this connection, I think it is time you
were introduced to Captain Achille Petitpois. (That is not his real
name, but it is as near to it as most of us are likely to get.) He is
one of that most efficient body, the French _liaison_ officers, who
act as connecting-link between the Allied Forces, and naturally is
an accomplished linguist. He is an ardent admirer of British
institutions, but is occasionally not a little puzzled by their
complexity. So he very sensibly comes to people like Captain Wagstaffe
for enlightenment, and they enlighten him.

Behold Achille--a guest in A Company's billet--drinking
whisky-and-sparklet out of an aluminium mug, and discussing the news
of the day.

"And your people at home," he said, "you think they are taking the War
seriously?" (Achille is addicted to reading the English newspapers
without discrimination.)

"So seriously," replied Wagstaffe instantly, "that it has become
necessary for the Government to take steps to cheer them up."

"Comment?" inquired Achille politely.

For answer Wagstaffe picked up a three-day-old London newspaper, and
read aloud an extract from the Parliamentary report. The report dealt
faithfully with the latest antics of the troupe of eccentric
comedians which appears (to us), since the formation of the Coalition
Government, to have taken possession of the front Opposition Bench.

"Who are these assassins--these imbeciles--these _cretins_," inquired
Petitpois, "who would endanger the ship of the State?" (Achille prides
himself upon his knowledge of English idiom.)

"Nobody knows!" replied Wagstaffe solemnly. "They are children of
mystery. Before the War, nobody had ever heard of them. They--"

"But they should be shot!" explained that free-born Republican,
Petitpois.

"Not a bit, old son! That is where you fail to grasp the subtleties of
British statesmanship. I tell you there are no flies on our Cabinet!"

"Flies?"

"Yes: _mouches_, you know. The agility of our Cabinet Ministers is
such that these little insects find it impossible to alight upon
them."

"You