onversing about the romantic scenery of
Westmoreland, said, "In that magnificent county you see an apotheosis
of nature, and an apodeikneusis of the theopratic Omnipotence."

Mr. Paxton Hood tells of a minister who described a tear "as that small
particle of aqueous fluid, trickling from the visual organ over the
lineaments of the countenance, betokening grief." Of another, who spoke
of "the deep intuitive glance of the soul, penetrating beyond the
surface of the superficial phenomenal to the remote recesses of absolute
entity or being; thus adumbrating its immortality on its precognitive
perceptions." Of another, an eminent man, head of a college for
ministers, when repeating a well-known passage of Scripture, "'He that
believeth on Me, as the Scripture hath said, out of his'"--here he
paused, and at last said, "Well, out of his ventriculum shall flow
'living water!'"

One altiloquent rendered "Give us this day our daily bread" as follows:
"Confer upon us during this mundane sphere's axillary revolution our
diurnal subsistence." And another, instead of saying, "Jesus wept,"
said, "And Jesus the Saviour of the world burst into a flood of tears;"
upon hearing which Dr. Johnson is said to have exclaimed in disgust,
"Puppy, puppy!"

A minister once, speaking in the presence of a few friends met for the
purpose of promoting the interests of a certain Young Men's Christian
Association, relieved himself in the following: "When I think of this
organization, with its complex powers, it reminds me of some stupendous
mechanism which shall spin electric bands of stupendous thought and
feeling, illuminating the vista of eternity with corruscations of
brilliancy, and blending the mystic brow of eternal ages with a tiara of
never-dying beauty, whilst for those who have trampled on the truth of
Christ, it shall spin from its terrible form toils of eternal funeral
bands, darker and darker, till sunk to the lowest abyss of destiny."

A physician, while in his patient's room, in speaking to the surgeon
about him, said, "You must phlebotomize the old gentleman to-morrow."

The old gentleman, who overheard, immediately exclaimed in a fright, "I
will never suffer that."

"Sir, don't be alarmed," replied the surgeon; "he is only giving orders
for me to bleed you."

"O, as for the bleeding," answered the patient, "it matters little; but
as for the other, I will sooner die than endure it."

I have read of an Irishman who, speaking of