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rs. Ukridge," I said. "I really don't think I could have done more. We tried every method. Beale had seven fights, and I made a speech on the lawn, but it was all no good." "Perhaps we can collect these men and explain things," I added. "I don't believe any of them know you've come back." "Send Beale round," said Ukridge. "Beale!" The hired retainer came running out at the sound of the well-known voice. "Lumme, Mr. Ukridge, sir!" he gasped. It was the first time Beale had ever betrayed any real emotion in my presence. To him, I suppose, the return of Ukridge was as sensational and astounding an event as the reappearance of one from the tomb would have been. He was not accustomed to find those who had shot the moon revisiting their old haunts. "Go round the place and tell those blackguards that I've come back, and would like to have a word with them on the lawn. And if you find any of them stealing my fowls, knock them down." "I 'ave knocked down one or two," said Beale with approval. "That Charlie--" "That's right, Beale. You're an excellent man, and I will pay you your back wages to-night before I go to bed." "Those fellers, sir," said Beale, having expressed his gratification, "they've been and scattered most of them birds already, sir. They've been chasin' of 'em for this hour back." Ukridge groaned. "Demons!" he said. "Demons!" Beale went off. The audience assembled on the lawn in the moonlight. Ukridge, with his cap well over his eyes and his mackintosh hanging around him like a Roman toga, surveyed them stonily, and finally began his speech. "You--you--you--you blackguards!" he said. I always like to think of Ukridge as he appeared at that moment. There have been times when his conduct did not recommend itself to me. It has sometimes happened that I have seen flaws in him. But on this occasion he was at his best. He was eloquent. He dominated his audience. He poured scorn upon his hearers, and they quailed. He flung invective at them, and they wilted. It was hard, he said, it was a little hard that a gentleman could not run up to London for a couple of days on business without having his private grounds turned upside down. He had intended to deal well by the tradesmen of the town, to put business in their way, to give them large orders. But would he? Not much. As soon as ever the sun had risen and another day begun, their miserable accounts should be paid in full and their
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