ood deal vexed, but I
concluded it was dropt somewhere among the hay; so I went and bought
another with my own money: when the girl saw that I had another, she was
so malicious that she told my mistress I was very unfaithful, and not
the person she took me for; and that she knew, I had, without my
master's permission, order'd many things in his name, that he must pay
for; and as a proof of my carelessness produc'd the fork she had taken
out of the stick, and said, she had found it out of doors--My Lady, not
knowing the truth of these things, was a little shy to me, till she
mention'd it, and then I soon cleared myself, and convinc'd her that
these accusations were false.

I continued in a most unhappy state for many days. My good mistress
insisted on knowing what was the matter. When I made known my situation
she gave me John Bunyan on the holy war, to read; I found his experience
similar to my own, which gave me reason to suppose he must be a bad man;
as I was convinc'd of my own corrupt nature, and the misery of my own
heart: and as he acknowledg'd that he was likewise in the same
condition, I experienc'd no relief at all in reading his work, but
rather the reverse.--I took the book to my lady, and inform'd her I did
not like it at all, it was concerning a wicked man as bad as myself; and
I did not chuse to read it, and I desir'd her to give me another, wrote
by a better man that was holy and without sin.--She assur'd me that
John Bunyan was a good man, but she could not convince me; I thought
him to be too much like myself to be upright, as his experience seem'd
to answer with my own.

I am very sensible that nothing but the great power and unspeakable
mercies of the Lord could relieve my soul from the heavy burden it
laboured under at that time.--A few days after my master gave me
Baxter's _Call to the unconverted_. This was no relief to me neither; on
the contrary it occasioned as much distress in me as the other had
before done, _as it_ invited all to come to _Christ_ and I found myself
so wicked and miserable that I could not come--This consideration threw
me into agonies that cannot be described; insomuch that I even attempted
to put an end to my life--I took one of the large case-knives, and went
into the stable with an intent to destroy myself; and as I endeavoured
with all my strength to force the knife into my side, it bent double. I
was instantly struck with horror at the thought of my own rashness, and
m