the beauty of it--cut fat! The astonished witness of this singular
purchase rushed at once to the hotel: Cavanagh might contain the edibles,
she could not: the affair was blown; an investigation very properly
adjudicated upon the case; and three months' discipline at the tread-mill
is now the reward of this arch-impostor's merits. So far so good; but in
the name of common sense let some experienced practitioner in the art of
"cutting for the simples" be furnished with a correct list of the awful
asses he has cozened at "hood-man blind;" and pray Heaven they may each
and severally be operated on with all convenient speed!

* * * * *

"SLUMBER, MY DARLING."

During the vacation, the Judges' bench in each of the Courts at
Westminster Hall has been furnished with luxurious air-cushions, and
heated with the warm-air apparatus. Baron Parke declares that the Bench is
now really a snug berth,--and, during one of Sergeant Bompas's long
speeches, a most desirable place for taking

[Illustration: A SOUND NAP.]

* * * * *

A FAMILIAR EPISTLE

FROM

JOHN STUMP, ESQ., POET LAUREATE TO THE BOROUGH OF GRUB-CUM-GUZZLE,

TO

SIMON NIBB, ESQ., COMMON-COUNCIL-MAN OF THE SAID BOROUGH,

_Setting forth a notable Plan for the better management of_

RAILWAY DIRECTORS.

DEAR SIMON,

If I were a Parliament man,
I'd make a long speech, and I'd bring in a plan,
And prevail on the House to support a new clause
In the very first chapter of Criminal Laws!
But, to guard against getting too nervous or low
(For my speech you're aware would be then a no-go),
I'd attack, ere I went, some two bottles of Sherry,
And chaunt all the way Row di-dow di-down-derry![1]
Then having arrived (just to drive down the phlegm),
I'd clear out my throat and pronounce a loud "Hem!"
(So th' appearance of summer's preceded by swallows,)
Make my bow to the House, and address it as follows:--
"Mr. Speaker! the state of the Criminal Laws"
(Thus, like Cicero, at once go right into the cause)
Is such as demands our most serious attention,
And strong reprobation, and quick intervention."
(This rattling of words, which is quite in the fashion,
Shows the depth of my zeal, and the force of my passion.)
"Though the traitor's obligingly eased of his head--
Though a Wilde[2] to the dark-frowning gallows is led--
Tho' the robber, when caught, is most