fools set out
upon a provincial "Starring and Starving Expedition," issuing bills,
announcing his wish to be open to public inspection, and delicately
hinting the absolute necessity of shelling-out the browns, as though he,
Bernard Cavanagh, did not eat, yet he had a brother "as did;"
consequently, ways and means for the establishment and continuance of a
small commissariat for the ungifted fraternal was delicately hinted at in
the various documents containing the pressing invitations to "yokel
population" to honour him with an inspection.

Numerous were the visitors and small the contributions attendant upon the
circulation of these "documents in madness." Many men are rather notorious
in our great metropolis for "living upon nothing," that is, existing
without the aid of such hard food as starved the ass-eared Midas; out
these gentlemen of invisible ways and means have a very decent notion of
employing four out of the twenty four hours in supplying their internal
economy with such creature comforts as, in days of yore, disinherited
Esau, and procured a somewhat gastronomic celebrity for the far-famed
Heliogabalus. But a gentleman who could treat his stomach like a postponed
bill in the House of Commons--that is, adjourn it _sine die_, or take it
into consideration "this day seven years"--was really a likely person to
attract attention and excite curiosity: accordingly, Bernard Cavanagh was
questioned closely by some of his visitors; but he, like the speculation,
appeared to be "one not likely to answer."

Apparent efforts at concealment invariably lead to doubt, and, doubt
engendering curiosity, is very like to undergo, especially from one of the
fair sex, a scrutiny of the most searching kind. Eve caused the fall of
Adam--a daughter of Eve has discovered and crushed this heretofore hidden
mystery. This peculiarly _empty_ individual was discovered by the good
lady--despite the disguise of a black patch upon his nose and an
immeasurable outspread of Bandana superficially covering that (as he
asserted) useless orifice, his mouth--sneaking into the far-off premises
of a miscellaneous vendor of ready-dressed eatables; and there Bernard the
faster--the anti-nourishment and terrestrial food-defying wonder--the
certificated of Heaven knows how many deacons, parsons, physicians, and
fools--demanded the very moderate allowance for his breakfast of a
twopenny loaf, a sausage, and a quarter of a pound of ham _cut fat_:
that's