. I imagine
there must have been some lack of discipline. Possibly his inferior had
addressed him as "Erb."

Well, all our prospects are pleasing and only Bulgar vile. I must now make
a martial noise, so _au revoir._

Thine,
PETER.

* * * * *

[Illustration: DISTRACTIONS OF CAMP LIFE.

_Tommy_ (_by roadside_). "OUT ON THE SPREE AGAIN? GOING TO THE PICTURES?"

_Highlander_. "NO. WE'RE AWA' TO SEE YOUR LOT CHANGE GUARD."]

* * * * *

"_The Motor Cycle_ says over 165,000 magnates have been made in Britain
for war purposes."--_Provincial Paper_.

And the New Year Honours List (political services) has yet to appear.

* * * * *

"We owed all this more to our splendid navy and its silent virgil than
to anything else."--_Provincial Paper_.

We suppose the CENSOR won't let him narrate the epic exploits of the Fleet,
but he might have allowed him a capital initial.

* * * * *

"Surbiton residents have supplied for British prisoners in Germany 800
waistcoats made from 2,100 old kid gloves." _Manchester Evening
News_.

A notable instance of large-handed generosity.

* * * * *

SIX VILE VERBS.

(_To the makers of journalese, and others, from a fastidious reader._)

When I see on a poster
A programme which "features"
CHARLIE CHAPLIN and other
Delectable creatures,
I feel just as if
Someone hit me a slam
Or a strenuous biff
On the mid diaphragm.

When I read in a story,
Though void of offences,
That somebody "glimpses"
Or somebody "senses,"
The chord that is struck
Fills my bosom with ire,
And I'm ready to chuck
The whole book in the fire.

When against any writer
It's urged that he "stresses"
His points, or that something
His fancy "obsesses,"
In awarding his blame
Though the critic be right,
Yet I feel all the same
I could shoot him at sight.

But (worst of these horrors)
Whenever I read
That somebody "voices"
A national need,
As the Bulgars and Greeks
Are abhorred by the Serb,
So I feel toward the freaks
Who employ this vile verb.

* * * * *

"Some of the public men of Rawmarsh have high ambitions for their
township, and at the Council meeting on