his. He takes upon himself all
functions, and is a sort of ephemeral major-domo! He distributes his
attentions among the company assembled according to the degree of
affliction, which he calculates from the degree of kin to the
deceased; and marshals them accordingly in the procession. He himself
is of a sad and tristful countenance; yet such as (if well examined)
is not without some show of patience and resignation at bottom;
prefiguring, as it were, to the friends of the deceased, what their
grief shall be when the hand of Time shall have softened and taken
down the bitterness of their first anguish; so handsomely can he
fore-shape and anticipate the work of Time. Lastly, with his wand, as
with another divining rod, he calculates the depth of earth at which
the bones of the dead man may rest, which he ordinarily contrives may
be at such a distance from the surface of this earth, as may
frustrate the profane attempts of such as would violate his repose,
yet sufficiently on this side the centre to give his friends hopes of
an easy and practicable resurrection. And here we leave him, casting
in dust to dust, which is the last friendly office that he
_undertakes_ to do."

Begging your pardon for detaining you so long among "graves, and
worms, and epitaphs," I am, Sir,

Your humble servant,

MORITURUS.

* * * * *

ON THE
DANGER OF CONFOUNDING MORAL WITH PERSONAL
DEFORMITY.

WITH A HINT TO THOSE WHO HAVE THE FRAMING OF
ADVERTISEMENTS FOR APPREHENDING OFFENDERS.

* * * * *

TO THE EDITOR OF "THE REFLECTOR."

MR. REFLECTOR,--There is no science in their pretensions to which
mankind are more apt to commit grievous mistakes, than in the
supposed very obvious one of physiognomy. I quarrel not with the
principles of this science, as they are laid down by learned
professors; much less am I disposed, with some people, to deny its
existence altogether as any inlet of knowledge that can be depended
upon. I believe that there is, or may be, an art to "read the mind's
construction in the face." But, then, in every species of _reading_,
so much depends upon the eyes of the reader; if they are blear, or
apt to dazzle, or inattentive, or strained with too much attention,
the optic power will infallibly bring home false reports of what it
reads. How often do we say, upon a cursory glance at a stranger,
"What a fine open countenance he has!" who, upon second i