a letter and a dash--
Where Vice reduced in size shrinks to a failing,
And loses half her grossness by curtailing.
Faux pas are told in such a modest way,--
"The affair of Colonel B---- with Mrs. A----"
You must forgive them--for what is there, say,
Which such a pliant Vowel must not grant
To such a very pressing Consonant?
Or who poetic justice dares dispute,
When, mildly melting at a lover's suit,
The wife's a Liquid, her good man a Mute?
Even in the homelier scenes of honest life,
The coarse-spun intercourse of man and wife,
Initials I am told have taken place
Of Deary, Spouse, and that old-fashion'd race;
And Cabbage, ask'd by brother Snip to tea,
Replies, "I'll come--but it don't rest with me--
I always leaves them things to Mrs. C."
O should this mincing fashion ever spread
From names of living heroes to the dead,
How would Ambition sigh, and hang the head,
As each loved syllable should melt away--
Her Alexander turn'd into great A----
A single C. her Caesar to express--
Her Scipio shrunk into a Roman S----
And, nick'd and dock'd to these new modes of speech,
Great Hannibal himself a Mr. H----.

MR. H----,

A FARCE, IN TWO ACTS.

* * * * *

ACT I.

SCENE.--_A Public Room in an Inn. Landlord, Waiters, Gentlemen, &c._

_Enter_ MR. H.

_Mr. H._ Landlord, has the man brought home my boots?

_Landlord_. Yes, Sir.

_Mr. H._ You have paid him?

_Landlord_. There is the receipt, Sir, only not quite filled up, no
name, only blank--"Blank, Dr. to Zekiel Spanish for one pair of best
hessians." Now, Sir, he wishes to know what name he shall put in, who
he shall say "Dr."

_Mr. H._ Why, Mr. H. to be sure.

_Landlord_. So I told him, Sir; but Zekiel has some qualms about it.
He says he thinks that Mr. H. only would not stand good in law.

_Mr. H._ Rot his impertinence! Bid him put in Nebuchadnezzar, and not
trouble me with his scruples.

_Landlord_. I shall, Sir. [_Exit_.

_Enter a Waiter._

_Waiter_. Sir, Squire Level's man is below, with a hare and a brace
of pheasants for Mr. H.

_Mr. H._ Give the man half-a-crown, and bid him return my best
respects to his master. Presents, it seems, will find me out, with
any name or no name.

_Enter 2d Waiter._

_2d Waiter._ Sir, the man that makes up the Directory is at the door.

_Mr. H._ Give h