flew against a scallop of oysters which the boots was bringing to my
apartment, and with a single flap of his wings dashed it from the hand
of the boots--it was dreadful; but let us get on: this is the last I
will read."

And checking Miss Fanny's intended outburst at the oyster story, Mr.
Ralph read on--

"You ask me, my dear Ashley, to give you some advice, and write down
my good wishes, if I have any in your direction. Of course I have, my
dear fellow, and here goes. My advice first, then, is, never to drink
more than three bottles of wine at one sitting--this is enough; and
six bottles is, therefore, according to the most reliable rules of
logic--which I hate--too much. You might do it if you had my head;
but you havn't, and there's an end of it. Next, if you want to bet at
races, ascertain which horse is the general 'favorite,' and as our
friend, the ostler, at the Raleigh says--go agin him. Human nature
invariably goes wrong; and this a wise man will never forget. Next, if
you have the playing mania, never play with anybody but gentlemen. You
will thus have the consolation of reflecting that you have been ruined
in good company, and, in addition, had your pleasure;--blacklegs ruin
a man with a vulgar rapidity which is positively shocking. Next, my
dear boy--though this I need'nt tell you--never look at Greek after
leaving college, or Moral Philosophy, or Mathematics proper. It
interferes with a man's education, which commences when he has
recovered from the disadvantages of college. Lastly, my dear fellow,
never fall in love with any woman--if you do, you will inevitably
repent it. This world would get on quietly without them--as long as
it lasted--and I need'nt tell you that the Trojan War, and other
interesting events, never would have happened, but for bright eyes,
and sighs, and that sort of thing. If you are obliged to marry,
because you have an establishment, write the names of your lady
acquaintances on scraps of paper, put them in your hat, and draw one
forth at random. This admirable plan saves a great deal of trouble,
and you will inevitably get a wife who, in all things, will make you
miserable.

"Follow this advice, my dear fellow, and you will arrive at the summit
of happiness. I trust I shall see you at the Oaks at the occasion of
my marriage--you know, to my lovely cousin. She's a charming girl, and
we would be delighted to see you.

"Ever, my dear boy,

"Your friend

"and pitcher,

"----