mischief, who shall say that I was wrong? If
any woman deserved a strait-waistcoat,--it was my Lady Lyndon; and I
have known people in my time manacled, and with their heads shaved, in
the straw, who had not committed half the follies of that foolish, vain,
infatuated creature.

My mother was so enraged by the charges against me and herself which
these letters contained, that it was with the utmost difficulty I could
keep her from discovering our knowledge of them to Lady Lyndon; whom it
was, of course, my object to keep in ignorance of our knowledge of her
designs: for I was anxious to know how far they went, and to what pitch
of artifice she would go. The letters increased in interest (as they say
of the novels) as they proceeded. Pictures were drawn of my treatment
of her which would make your heart throb. I don't know of what
monstrosities she did not accuse me, and what miseries and starvation
she did not profess herself to undergo; all the while she was living
exceedingly fat and contented, to outward appearances, at our house at
Castle Lyndon. Novel-reading and vanity had turned her brain. I could
not say a rough word to her (and she merited many thousands a day, I
can tell you), but she declared I was putting her to the torture; and
my mother could not remonstrate with her but she went off into a fit of
hysterics, of which she would declare the worthy old lady was the cause.

At last she began to threaten to kill herself; and though I by no means
kept the cutlery out of the way, did not stint her in garters, and left
her doctor's shop at her entire service,--knowing her character full
well, and that there was no woman in Christendom less likely to lay
hands on her precious life than herself; yet these threats had an
effect, evidently, in the quarter to which they were addressed; for the
milliner's packets now began to arrive with great frequency, and the
bills sent to her contained assurances of coming aid. The chivalrous
Lord George Poynings was coming to his cousin's rescue, and did me
the compliment to say that he hoped to free his dear cousin from the
clutches of the most atrocious villain that ever disgraced humanity; and
that, when she was free, measures should be taken for a divorce, on the
ground of cruelty and every species of ill-usage on my part.

I had copies of all these precious documents on one side and the other
carefully made, by my beforementioned relative, godson, and secretary,
Mr. Redmond