The Project Gutenberg EBook of "Speaking of Operations--", by Irvin S. Cobb

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Title: "Speaking of Operations--"

Author: Irvin S. Cobb

Posting Date: November 7, 2008 [EBook #1890]
Release Date: September, 1999

Language: English

Character set encoding: ASCII

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK "SPEAKING OF OPERATIONS--" ***

Produced by Kirk Pearson

"SPEAKING OF OPERATIONS--"

by Irvin S. Cobb

Respectfully dedicated to two classes:

Those who have already been operated on
Those who have not yet been operated on

Now that the last belated bill for services professionally rendered has
been properly paid and properly receipted; now that the memory of the
event, like the mark of the stitches, has faded out from a vivid red to
a becoming pink shade; now that I pass a display of adhesive tape in
a drug-store window without flinching--I sit me down to write a little
piece about a certain matter--a small thing, but mine own--to wit, That
Operation.

For years I have noticed that persons who underwent pruning or
remodeling at the hands of a duly qualified surgeon, and survived, like
to talk about it afterward. In the event of their not surviving I have
no doubt they still liked to talk about it, but in a different locality.
Of all the readily available topics for use, whether among friends
or among strangers, an operation seems to be the handiest and most
dependable. It beats the Tariff, or Roosevelt, or Bryan, or when this
war is going to end, if ever, if you are a man talking to other men;
and it is more exciting even than the question of how Mrs. Vernon Castle
will wear her hair this season, if you are a woman talking to other
women.

For mixed companies a whale is one of the best and the easiest things to
talk about that I know of. In regard to whales and their peculiarities
you can make almost any assertion without fear of successful
contradiction. Nobody ever knows any more about them than you do. You
are not hampered by facts. If someone mentions the blubber of the whale
and you chime in and say it may be noticed for miles on a still day when
the large but emotional creature has been moved to tears by some