that she had never been antagonistic to railroads. She had rather
favored them; also that her habits and tastes were simple and that she
had never aspired to rise above her station in life, and why she should
rise higher than the station when she was injured I could not
understand. I told him what a good milkster she was, and also that she
came up every night as regular as an emetic.

I then wrote my name with a little ornamental squirm to it, added a
postscript in which I said that you was now in your junior year, and I
thought that about seventy-five dollars would be a fair quotation on
such a cow as I had feebly described, and said good-by to him, hoping he
would remit at a prior date if possible.

I got a letter after awhile, stating that my favor of the 25th ult. or
prox. or something of that nature, had been duly received and contents
noted. This was no surprise to me, because that is too often the sad
fate of a letter. In fact the same thing had happened to the other one I
had previously sent.

I was mad, and wrote to the president of the company stating in crisp
language that if his company would pay more cash for cows and do less in
the noting and contents business, he would be more apt to endear himself
to those who reside along his line and who had their horses scared to
death twice a day by his arrogant and bellering besom of destruction.
"If you will deal more in scads and less in stenography and monkey
business," says I, in closing, "you will warm yourself into the hearts
of the plain people. Otherwise," I says, "we will arise in our might and
walk."

I then, in a humorsome way, marked it "dictated letter" and sent it
away.

I got it back in the face by way of the dead-letter office where they
know me. I'll bet they had a good laugh over it, for they opened it and
read it while it was there. I wouldn't be surprised if every man in
Congress had a good hearty laugh over that letter. Congressmen enjoy a
good thing once in a while, Henry. They ain't so dumb as they look.

But I finally got my pay for old Brin, to make a long story short. They
cut me down some on the price, but I finally got my money. No railroad
company can run over a cow of mine and mix her up with a trestle
three-quarters of a mile long, without paying for it, and favors
received and contents duly noted don't go with

Your father,

BILL NYE.

[Illustration]

BILL NYE

ATTENDS A WESTERN THEATER AND SEES A REMARKAB