ch a
dog-thief!" If these sentiments are sinful, and for expressing them we
are a candidate for fire and brimstone, it is all right, and the devil
can stoke up and make up our bunk when he hears that we are on the
through train.

It seems now--though we may change our mind the first day at the
fire--as though we had rather be in hades with a hundred million people
who have always done the square thing, than to be in any heaven that
will pass a man in who has starved the poor and paid ten thousand
dollars to catch a dog-thief. We could have a confounded sight better
time, even if we had our ulster all burned off. It would be worth the
price of admission to stand with our back to the fire, and as we began
to smell woolen burning near the pistol pocket, to make up faces at the
ten-thousand-dollar-dog millionaires that were putting on style at the
other place.

*****

Andrews' _Bazar_ says: "Gathered waists are very much worn."

If the men would gather the waists carefully and not squeeze so like
blazes, they would not be worn so much. Some men go to work gathering
a waist just as they would go to work washing sheep, or raking and
binding. They ought to gather as though it was eggs done up in a
funnel-shaped brown paper at a grocery.

The Black River Falls Independent says: "If you have any old pants to
give to the poor, take or send them to the Ladies' Relief Society."

Well, we have got plenty of them; but, bless you, we doubt if any member
of the Ladies' Relief Society could wear them. They don't hook up.

ARTHUR WILL KEEP A COW.

It is announced by telegraph from Washington that Gen. Arthur will
keep a cow at the White House during his term, to furnish milk for the
family, rather than be obliged to depend upon a milk man who is in the
habit of selling a mixed drink, though the customers, prefer to take
it-straight. There is nothing that will do more to convince people of
the true simplicity of a President than for him to keep a cow. No man
who habitually associates with a cow, and stirs up a bran mash, and
watches her plow her nose down to the bottom in search of a potato
paring, can be wholly bad. If the President selects a good, honest
cow we have no fears that he will be a tyrant in his administration of
affairs. A man is very apt to absorb many of the characteristics and
traits of the cow that he milks. If she is a good natured, honest,
law abiding cow, that "hoists" at the word of command, stand