tunes are sung
previous to calling witnesses to testify to alleged three carde monte
acts of a disciple of Christ. Sanctimonious looking men pray for divine
guidance, and then try to prove that a dear brother has bilked another
dear brother out of several hundred dollars on Texas lands, and that he
tried to trade a wagon at double what it is worth to settle the matter.

They sing, "Take me just as I am," and then try to prove that the one
who made charges against the other is not altogether holy, because he is
alleged to have confessed to passing the night in a room with a female
church member, in silent devotion, when he swears it is a lie,--that he
only laid on a lounge.

Prominent Methodists collect at the bull-fight in Oshkosh, take sides
with one or the other, and lay their bottom prayer that their champion
will come out on top, with not a stripe polluted nor a star erased:

One side sings, "Jesus caught me when a stranger," and the other side
smiles and winks and whispers that they are glad he was caught.

They sing, "Rock of ages, cleft for me," and proceed to cleave the rock
of each other's character. They cast one eye heavenward in prayer, while
with the other they watch the other side to see that they don't steal
the testimony.

Some one starts "Little drops of water," and big drops of perspiration
appear on truly good foreheads for fear proof will be adduced to show
that money has been obtained under false pretenses.

And this goes by the name of religion!

There should be honor among ministers. Both of the principals in
this suit should be bounced. If the charges are true, Carhart should
emigrate. If they are not true, Haddock should emigrate.

MUSIC ON THE WATERS.

Our readers have no doubt noticed in the papers that the Goodrich
Transportation Company had secured a band from Waupun to make music on
the boats of that line between Milwaukee and Chicago this summer. Well,
there is trouble going on in consequence. Mr. Hurson, of the Goodrich
line, entrusted the organization of the band to Mr. Nick Jarvis, of
Waupun, a gentleman whose reputation as a scientific pounder of the
bass drum has received encomiums from the crowned heads of Oshkosh and
Hazen's cheese factory.

Having such confidence in Mr. Jarvis, Mr. Hurson gave him a roving
commission, with authority to secure the best talent in the known world.
He organized the band, and then it occurred to Mr. Jarvis that the
musicians had always