s, such as health, etc. She must be good-looking,
that is, not too handsome, but just handsome enough. You don't want to
give this machine to any female statue, or parlor ornament, who don't
know how to play a tune on it, or who is as cold as a refrigerator car,
and has no heart concealed about her person. Our girl, that is, our
"Fair Girl," that takes this machine, must be "the boss." She must be
jolly and good-natured, such a girl as would make the young man that
married her think that Rock County was the next door to heaven, anyway.
She must be so healthy that nature's roses will discount any preparation
ever made by man, and so well-formed that nothing artificial is needed
to--well, Van, you know what I mean.

You want to pick out a thoroughbred, that is, all wool, a yard
wide--that is, understand me, I don't want the girl to be a yard wide,
but just right. Your Committee don't want to get "mashed" on some
ethereal creature whose belt is not big enough for a dog collar. This
premium girl wants to be able to do a day's work, if necessary, and one
there is no danger of breaking in two if her intended should hug her.

After your Committee have got their eyes on a few girls that they think
will fill the bill, then they want to find out what kind of girls
they are around their home. Find if they honor their fathers and their
mothers, and are helpful, and care as much for the happiness of those
around them as they do for their own. If you find one who is handsome as
Venus--I don't know Venus, but I have heard that she takes the cake--I
say, if you find one that is perfect in everything, but shirks her
duties at home, and plays, "I Want to Be an Angel," on the piano, while
her mother is mending her stockings, or ironing her "picnic skirts," then
let her go ahead and be an angel as quick as she wants to, but don't
give her the machine.. You catch the idea?

Find a girl who has the elements of a noble woman; one whose heart is so
large that she has to wear a little larger corset than some, but one who
will make her home happy, and who is a friend to all; one who would
walk further to do a good deed, and relieve suffering, than she would to
patronize an ice cream saloon; one who would keep her mouth shut a month
before she would say an unkind word, or cause a pang to another. Let
your Committee settle on such a girl, and she is as welcome to that
machine as possible.

Now, Van, you ought to have a Committee appointed at on