now whether th' Jook
iv Argyle or th' Prince iv Wales counts f'r most. They're like th' right
an' left bower iv thrumps. Th' best players is called scratch-men."

"What's that f'r?" Mr. Hennessy asked.

"It's a Scotch game," said Mr. Dooley, with a wave of his hand. "I
wonder how it come out to-day. Here's th' pa-aper. Let me see. McKinley
at Canton. Still there. He niver cared to wandher fr'm his own fireside.
Collar-button men f'r th' goold standard. Statues iv Heidelback,
Ickleheimer an' Company to be erected in Washington. Another Vanderbilt
weddin'. That sounds like goluf, but it ain't. Newport society livin'
in Mrs. Potther Pammer's cellar. Green-goods men declare f'r honest
money. Anson in foorth place some more. Pianny tuners f'r McKinley. Li
Hung Chang smells a rat. Abner McKinley supports th' goold standard.
Wait a minyit. Here it is: 'Goluf in gay attire.' Let me see. H'm.
'Foozled his aproach,'--nasty thing. 'Topped th' ball.' 'Three up an'
two to play.' Ah, here's the scoor. 'Among those prisint were Messrs.
an' Mesdames'"--

"Hol' on!" cried Mr. Hennessy, grabbing the paper out of his friend's
hands. "That's thim that was there."

"Well," said Mr. Dooley, decisively, "that's th' goluf scoor."

WHEN THE SIRUP'S ON THE FLAPJACK

BY BERT LESTON TAYLOR

When the sirup's on the flapjack and the coffee's in the pot;
When the fly is in the butter--where he'd rather be than not;
When the cloth is on the table, and the plates are on the cloth;
When the salt is in the shaker and the chicken's in the broth;
When the cream is in the pitcher and the pitcher's on the tray,
And the tray is on the sideboard when it isn't on the way;
When the rind is on the bacon, and likewise upon the cheese,
Then I somehow feel inspired to do a lot of rhymes like these.

_A NEW and Entirely Up-to-Date DICTIONARY_

The Funk & Wagnalls

DESK STANDARD DICTIONARY

This entirely new work, which is the most recent of the abridgments from
the New Standard Dictionary, _describes_ and _explains 80,000 words_,
_phrases_, and _topics of interest_.

It is a special handy-sized dictionary designed particularly for desk
use in the office, the college, the study, and for handy reference on
the library table.

Its vocabulary is sufficiently inclusive to cover all words that may be
met with in study or in reading.

Every term has its _own alphabetical place_ in the main vocabulary--no
confusing appendix.