shovellin' coke. Out-iv-dure golf is played be th' followin' rules. If
ye bring ye'er wife f'r to see th' game, an' she has her name in th'
paper, that counts ye wan. So th' first thing ye do is to find th'
raypoorter, an' tell him ye're there. Thin ye ordher a bottle iv brown
pop, an' have ye'er second fan ye with a towel. Afther this ye'd dhress,
an' here ye've got to be dam particklar or ye'll be stuck f'r th'
dhrinks. If ye'er necktie is not on sthraight, that counts ye'er
opponent wan. If both ye an' ye'er opponent have ye'er neckties on
crooked, th' first man that sees it gets th' stakes. Thin ye ordher a
carredge"--

"Order what?" demanded Mr. McKenna.

"A carredge."

"What for?"

"F'r to take ye 'round th' links. Ye have a little boy followin' ye,
carryin' ye'er clubs. Th' man that has th' smallest little boy it counts
him two. If th' little boy has th' rickets, it counts th' man in th'
carredge three. The little boys is called caddies; but Clarence Heaney
that tol' me all this--he belongs to th' Foorth Wa-ard Goluf an'
McKinley Club--said what th' little boys calls th' players'd not be fit
f'r to repeat.

"Well, whin ye dhrive up to th' tea grounds"--

"Th' what?" demanded Mr. Hennessy.

"Th' tea grounds, that's like th' home-plate in base-ball or ordherin' a
piece iv chalk in a game iv spoil five. It's th' be-ginnin' iv
ivrything. Whin ye get to th' tea grounds, ye step out, an' have ye'er
hat irned be th' caddie. Thin ye'er man that ye're goin' aginst comes
up, an' he asks ye, 'Do you know Potther Pammer?' Well, if ye don't know
Potther Pammer, it's all up with ye: ye lose two points. But ye come
right back at him with an upper cut: 'Do ye live on th' Lake Shore
dhrive?' If he doesn't, ye have him in th' nine hole. Ye needn't play
with him anny more. But, if ye do play with him, he has to spot three
balls. If he's a good man an' shifty on his feet, he'll counter be
askin' ye where ye spend th' summer. Now ye can't tell him that ye spent
th' summer with wan hook on th' free lunch an' another on th' ticker
tape, an' so ye go back three. That needn't discourage ye at all, at
all. Here's yer chance to mix up, an' ye ask him if he was iver in
Scotland. If he wasn't, it counts ye five. Thin ye tell him that ye had
an aunt wanst that heerd th' Jook iv Argyle talk in a phonograph; an',
onless he comes back an' shoots it into ye that he was wanst run over be
th' Prince iv Wales, ye have him groggy. I don't k