. But if anything happens, send for me at
once. If I can't do anything else, I can cheer you up a little.

1. This is an old, favorite recitation. What do you
think of this type of humor as compared with Mark
Twain's?

GRADGRIND'S IDEA OF EDUCATION

BY CHARLES DICKENS

Thomas Gradgrind was proud of himself. He was a
"self-made" man who attributed his own successes in
life to his mastery of Facts. He is here
represented as officially testing a school upon its
knowledge of his favorite Facts.

"Now what I want is Facts. Teach these boys and
girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted
in life. You can only form the minds of reasoning animals
upon Facts; nothing else will ever be of any service to
them. This is the principle on which I bring up my own 5
children. Stick to Facts, sir; nothing but Facts."

The speaker, and the schoolmaster, and the third grown
person present, all backed a little and swept with their eyes
the inclined plane of little vessels then and there arranged
in order, ready to have gallons of facts poured into them 10
until they were full to the brim.

Thomas Gradgrind, sir. A man of realities. A man of
facts and calculations. A man who proceeds upon the
principle that two and two are four and nothing over,
and who is not to be talked into allowing for anything over. 15
Thomas Gradgrind, sir, with a rule and a pair of scales
and the multiplication table always in his pocket, sir,
ready to weigh and measure any parcel of human nature
and tell you exactly what it comes to.

It is a mere question of figures, a case of simple arithmetic. 20
You might hope to get some other nonsensical
belief into the head of George Gradgrind, or Augustus
Gradgrind, or John Gradgrind, or Joseph Gradgrind; but
into the head of Thomas Gradgrind--no, sir!

Indeed, he seemed to be a kind of cannon loaded to the
muzzle with facts.

"Girl number twenty," said Mr. Gradgrind, squarely 5
pointing with his square forefinger. "I don't know that
girl. Who is that girl?"

"Sissy Jupe, sir," explained number twenty, blushing,
standing up, and curtsying.

"Sissy is not a name," said Mr. Gradgrind. "Don't 10
call yourself Sissy. Call yourself Cecilia."

"Father calls me Sissy, sir," returned th