Ploughman's Rest was all crowded
out an' gettin' down to the bottom o' the casks.

An' then, when us took an' thowt as 'twould be 'ay-makin' next week,
an' dry weather all round, us stuud i' the road and spak our thowts
out.

"Dom the KEYSER!" says Peter Ledbetter, to gie us a start like.

"Niver knowed sich a thing afore in all my born days," says Bertie
Mayo. "Niver knowed The Bell shut yet, not since 'twas first opened
six years afore th' ould QUEEN come to the throne."

"Reckon sich a thing niver 'appened afore i' the history o' Dovedale
parish," says Johnnie Tarplett.

"Niver since WILL'UM CONQUEROR," says Jim Peyton.

"Niver since NOAH 'isself," says Tom Figgures.

"'Tis a nepoch, look you," says Peter Ledbetter. An' though us didn'
know what 'a meant no more'n 'a did 'isself, us were inclined to agree
wi 'm. Oh, 'tis a Greek word meanin' a stoppage, is it? Well, if what
you say be _trew_, Peter Ledbetter was right 'owever, an' them Greeks
is at the bottom of all the trouble, as I said in The Bell five nights
ago--my son bein' at Salonika, as you do know, Sir.

An' arter a bit us all went along home, all on us tryin' to remember
what us knowed about home-brewin'. An' if you gentlefolks doan't
get your washin' done praperly this wik 'tis along o' the tubs bein'
otherwise engaaged.

W.B.

* * * * *

COMMERCIAL CANDOUR.

"By partial dissembling we are able to offer this high-grade
Car at a price within the reach of those desiring the
best."--_New Zealand Herald_.

* * * * *

"At Ormskirk rejected army horses sold by auction realised
L30 to L60. The average was over L30."--_Sunday Chronicle_.

We always like to have our sums done for us.

* * * * *

HOW TO UNBOOM OUR HOLIDAY RESORTS.

[Illustration: BEACHVILLE IS _TOO_ BRACING!

If you have a LIVER, BEACHVILLE will make you feel ABSOLUTELY ROTTEN!

If you have not, BEACHVILLE will give you one within 24 HOURS!]

[Illustration: CHALKCLIFFE NO PLACE FOR CHILDREN

Children who do not fall off the cliffs invariably catch measles.

Many do _both_.]

[Illustration: SHRIMPINGTON THE GRAND(!) PARADE ON A WET DAY

STATISTICS show that the AVERAGE RAINFALL at SHRIMPINGTON is HIGHER
than that at _any_ other watering-place in the United Kingdom.]

[Illustration: BARWASH For BEASTLY BATHING from a BEACH of BROKEN
BOTTLES

If this does