BARD.

["Contributors are particularly requested not to send
verses. They are not wanted in any circumstances and cannot
be printed, acknowledged or returned."--_British Weekly,
July 19th_.]

I once believed the "Man of Kent"
To be the Muses' firm supporter
And only less benevolent
To bards than Mr. C.K. SHORTER.

But this untimely cruel blow
Has quite irrevocably shattered
The hopes which till a week ago
My fondest aspirations flattered.

Wounds that are dealt us by our friends
Are faithful, but the name endearing
Of friend is hardly his who lends
And then denies the bard a hearing.

How then, O brother songsters, can
You take it lying down, and meekly
Submit to this tyrannic ban
Laid on you by _The British Weekly_?

No, no, you'll rather emulate
The Minstrel Boy, and we shall find you
Storming its barred and bolted gate
With reams of lyrics slung behind you.

* * * * *

"The time is ripe for the authorities to stop all street
traffic and to order all unauthorised persons to take cover
under penalty at the approach of the air raiders."--_Daily
Paper_.

Personally, as a means of shelter we prefer the coal-cellar to any
penalty.

* * * * *

"Will Mr. Russell deny that 660 million gallons of milk
were produced in Ireland last year, of which half went
to the creameries and more to the margarine factories
and to England?"--_Letter in Irish Paper_.

The Irish gallon would appear to be as elastic as the Irish mile.

* * * * *

"DIVISIONAL SIGNS."

The purpose of a Divisional Sign is to deceive the enemy. Let us
suppose that you belong to the 580th Division, B.E.F. You do not put
"580" on your waggons and your limbers and on the tin-hats of your
Staff. Certainly not. The enemy would know about you if you did that.
You have a secret sign, such as tramps chalk on your wall at home,
to let other tramps know that you are a stingy devil with a dog.
There are many theories as to how these signs are chosen. One is
that a committee of officers sits _in camera_ for forty-eight hours
without food or drink till it has decided on an arrow or a cat, or
a dandelion, rampant.

Let us take it that a cat is chosen--a quiet thing in cats--crimson on
a green-and-white chess-board background. Forthwith (as adjutants sa