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be all right then. _Capt._ Very well--then we will dispense with inspection of arms. Buttons bright, and straps in their proper places? _Serg._ (_doubtfully_). So they say, Sir. _Capt._ Well, then, read the orders. _Serg._ Beg pardon, Sir, but the men say they know their duty, and don't want to listen to no orders. _Capt._ Well, well, I am glad to hear that they are so patriotic. Hope that the Commanding Officer will dispense (under the circumstances) with the formality. Anything more? _Serg._ Privates BROWN, JONES, and ROBINSON are told off for duty on guard, Sir. _Capt._ March them off, then. _Serg._ Please, Sir, they say they want to speak to you. _Capt._ Very well--bring them up. (Sergeant _obeys_.) Now, men, what is it? _Private Brown_. Please, Sir, I have got a tooth-ache. _Capt._ Very well--fall out, and go to the doctor. _Private B._ Please, Sir, I don't want to see no doctor. I can cure myself. _Capt._ Very well--cure yourself. (Private _salutes, and retires._) And now, JONES and ROBINSON, what do you want? _Private Jones_. Please, Sir, me and ROBINSON were told off for guard six months ago, and we think it's too much to expect us to do sentry-go so soon. _Capt._ Well, you know your orders. _Private J._ Oh, that'll be all right, Sir! We'll explain to the War Office if there's any row about it! [The Privates salute, and retire. _Capt._ Anything else, Sergeant? _Sergt._ Well, no, Sir--you see the men won't do anything. _Capt._ Under those circumstances, I suppose I have only to give the usual words of command. Company, attention! Right turn--dismiss! [They dismiss. SCENE II.--BEFORE THE ENEMY. PRESENT--NO. 1 COMPANY AWAITING ORDERS TO ADVANCE. _Captain_.--Now, my men, all you have to do is to keep your heads, and obey orders. Attention! Fix Bayonets! _Subaltern_. Sorry to say, Sir, they have paraded without bayonets. _Capt._ Well, that's to be regretted; although they are small enough nowadays, in all conscience! Fire a volley! At a thousand yards! Ready! _Sub._ Very sorry. Sir, but the men forgot to bring their ammunition. _Capt._--Come, this is getting serious! Here's the Cavalry preparing to charge, and we are useless! Must move 'em off! Right turn! _Sergeant_. Please, Sir, the Company's a bit rusty, and don't know their right hands from their left. _Capt._ (_losing his temper_). Confound it! They don't, don't they! Well, hang it a
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