subaltern of today as he joins his regiment and shakes down to the
fundamental facts of life and death? He finds himself harassed by no
end of devilish enemy stunts, to stultify which a fatherly all-wise
War Office has given him an infinity of gadgets. For every stunt
an appropriate countering gadget. Does the foe strafe him with a
gas-bombing stunt? "Ha, ha!" laughs he, and dons that unlovely but
priceless gadget, his box-respirator. But by no means all gadgets have
just one peculiar stunt to counter; such a definition would exclude,
for instance, the height-gauge on a plane, which is emphatically,
wholly and eternally a gadget of gadgets. Moreover, gadgets are small
things. The airman's "joystick" is a gadget; the tank is not. Now are
these views sound, Sir, or is it permissible, as one authority does,
to describe persons as "gadgets"?

One final word. A nervous subaltern recently appeared before his
Adjutant and called the Wurzel-Flummery Electro-Dynamical Apparatus,
Mark II., "this sky-plotter stunt." "Great Heavens!" gasped the
Adjutant, "what is the Service coming to? Stunt? Gadget, man, gadget!"
Three days later the hapless boy found himself desired to resign on
the grounds of "gross ignorance of military terminology."

I am, dear Mr. Punch,

Yours solemnly,

ARCHIBALD.

* * * * *

[Illustration: TRIALS OF A CAMOUFLAGE OFFICER.

HAVING CAMOUFLAGED SOME COAST DEFENCES HE GOES TO SEA TO OBSERVE THE
EFFECT.]

* * * * *

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS.

(_THE GERMAN KAISER, THE TSAR OF BULGARIA, AND THE SULTAN OF TURKEY._)

_The Tsar_. You must admit that Sofia is a most agreeable place. Where
else could you find such genuine and overwhelming enthusiasm for the
War and our alliance?

_The Kaiser_. I don't know. It didn't seem to me exactly violent;
but then, of course, you know your people better than I do, and it
may be--

_The Sultan_. Umph.

_The Tsar_. I know just what you are going to say, MEHMED. You feel,
as we do, that the voice of the People is the true guide for a ruler.
You feel that too, don't you, WILHELM?

_The Kaiser_. I have never hesitated to say so. It is on such
sentiments that the greatness of our Imperial House is based.

_The Sultan_. Umph.

_The Tsar_. There--I knew you would agree with us. You heard, WILHELM?
MEHMED agrees with us.

_The Kaiser_. That is, of course, immensely gratifying.

_The Tsar_. We will at on