al warmth of my constitution,
and give fire to the old train, I began no longer to look with that
constraint, not to say disguise, on Mr. H...., which I had hitherto
done but, withal, there was not the least grain of love mixed with this
softening of my sentiments: any other man would have been just the same
to me as Mr. H..., that stood in the same circumstances, and had done
for me, and with me, what he had done.

There are not, on earth at least, eternal griefs; mine were, if not at
an end, at least suspended: my heart, which had been so long overloaded
with anguish and vexation, began to dilate and open to the last gleam
of diversion or amusement. I wept a little, and my tears relieved me; I
sighed, and my sighs seemed to lighten me of a load that oppressed me;
my countenance grew, if not cheerful, at least more composed and free.

Mr. H..., who had watched, perhaps brought on this change, knew too well
not to seize it: he thrust the table imperceptibly from between us, and
bringing his chair to face me, he soon began, after preparing me by all
the endearments of assurance and protestations, to lay hold of my hands,
to kiss me, and once more to make free with my bosom, which, being at
full liberty from the disorder of a loose dishabile, now panted and
throbbed, less with indignation than with fear and bashfulness, at being
used so familiarly by still a stranger. But he soon gave me greater
occasion to exclaim, by stooping down and slipping his hands above my
garters; thence he strove to regain the pass, which he had before found
so open, and unguarded; but now he could not unlock the twist of my
thighs; I gently complained, and begged him to let me alone; told him
I was not well. However, he saw there was more form and ceremony in my
resistance, than good earnest; he made his conditions for desisting from
pursuing his point, that I should be put instantly to bed, whilst he
gave certain orders to the landlady, and that he would return in an
hour, when he hoped to find me more reconciled to his passion for me,
than I seemed at present. I neither assented nor denied, but my air and
manner of receiving his proposal, gave him to see that I did not think
myself enough my own mistress to refuse it.

Accordingly he went out and left me, when a minute or two after, before
I could recover myself into any composure for thinking, the maid came
in with her mistress's service, and a small silver orringer of what she
called a br