e price I was paying for it
was big enough. It touched me most nearly when she accused me of
jealousy, but I set it down only to her present rage. I was tempted to
soften her by dwelling on my own precarious health, but I am glad that
an instinct for fair play made me leave that weapon unused. She grew
calm at last, and rose to her feet with a pale face.

"I have tried to do right," said I.

"I shall not forget what you have done," she retorted as she walked out
of the room.

I have been much alone in my life--alone in spirit, I mean, for that is
the only loneliness that has power to hurt a man--but never so much as
during the year that elapsed before Victoria's marriage was celebrated.
Save for Hammerfeldt, whose engagements did not allow him to be much in
my company, and to whom it was possible to open one's heart only rarely,
I had nobody with whom I was in sympathy. For my mother, although she
yielded more readily to the inevitable, was yet in secret on Victoria's
side on the matter of marriage. Victoria had been for meeting the
foreign representatives by renouncing her succession; my mother would
not hear of that, but was for defying the protests. Nothing, she had
declared, could really come of them. Hammerfeldt overbore her with his
knowledge and experience, leaving her defeated, but only half convinced,
sullen, and disappointed. She was careful not to take sides against me
overtly, but neither did she seek to comfort or to aid me. She withdrew
into a neutrality that favoured Victoria silently, although it refused
openly to espouse her cause. The two ladies thus came closer together
again, leaving me more to myself. The near prospect of independence
reconciled Victoria to a temporary control; my mother was more gentle
from her share in her daughter's disappointment. For my part I took
refuge more and more in books and my sport.

Amusement is the one great consolation that life offers, and even in
this dreary time it was not lacking. The love-lorn Baron had returned to
Waldenweiter; he wrote to Hammerfeldt for permission; the Prince refused
it; the Baron rejoined that he was about to be married; I can imagine
the grim smile with which the old man withdrew his objection. The Baron
came home with his wife. This event nearly broke the new alliance
between my mother and my sister; it was so very difficult for my mother
not to triumph, and Victoria detected a taunt even in silence. However,
there was no rupture, the