e kissed."

"The man you love, my dear," said I, "will doubtless do it."

She made a little grimace.

"Oh, then, I shall have to wait such a long time."

"You needn't," said I, taking her hands again and speaking very
seriously. "Can't you learn to love a man, give him your whole heart and
all your best and sweetest thoughts?"

"I would marry any nice man if you gave me to him," she answered.

"It would not matter who he was? Anyone would do?"

"Why, of course," said Carlotta.

"And any one wanting to marry you could kiss you as you kissed
Polyphemus."

"Oh-h, he would have to be nice--not like Mustapha."

I turned away with a sigh and lit a cigarette, while Carlotta curled
herself up on the sofa and inspected her face and necklace in the silver
mirror. In a moment she was talking to the cat, who had jumped on her
lap and with arched back was rubbing himself against her.

Soon the touch of sadness was lost in the happy sight of her and the
happy thought that my house was no longer left to me desolate. We
laughed away the evening.

But now, sitting alone, I feel empty of soul; like a man stricken with
fierce hunger who, expecting food in a certain place, finds nothing but
a few delicate cakes that mock his craving.

October 14th.

A week has passed. I have spent it chiefly in trying to win her love.

Is she, after all, only a child, and is this love of mine but a
monstrous passion?

What is to be done? Life is beginning to be a torture. If I send her
away, I shall eat my heart out. If she stays, fuel is but added to
the fire. Her caressing ways will drive me mad. To repulse her were
brutal--she loves to be fondled; she can scarcely speak to me without
touching me, leaning over me, thus filling me with the sense of her. She
treats me with an affectionate child's innocence, as if I were sexless.
My happiest time with her is spent in public places, restaurants, and
theatres where her unclouded pleasure is reflected in my heart.

I am letting her take music lessons with Herr Stuer, who lives close by
in the Avenue Road. Perhaps music may help in her development.

October 21st.

To please her I am accustoming myself to this out-of-door life, which
once I despised so cordially. Pasquale has joined us two or three times.
Last night he gave a dinner in Carlotta's honour at the Continental. The
ladies of the party have asked her to go to see them. She must have
some society, I suppose, and I must go wi