d lodge the
description in some Government office, and pay a fee, of course, to
some swell, and so be quit of it. Lord bless you--first I had to lay the
specification before the Court of Chancery, and write a petition to the
Queen, and pay, and, what is worse, wait. When I had paid and waited,
I got my petition signed, not by the Queen, but by some go-between, and
then I must take it to the Attorney-general. He made me pay--and wait.
When I had waited ever so long, I was sent back to where I had come
from--the Home Office. But even then I could not get to the Queen.
Another of her go-betweens nailed me, and made me pay, and wait: these
locusts steal your time as well as your money. At last, a copy of a copy
of a copy of my patent got to the Queen, and she signed it like a lady
at once, and I got it back. Then I thought I was all right. Not a bit
of it: the Queen's signature wasn't good till another of her go-betweens
had signed it. I think it was the Home Secretary this time. This
go-between bled me again, and sent me with my hard-earned signatures
to the Patent Office. There they drafted, and copied, and docketed, and
robbed me of more time and money. And, when all was done, I had to take
the document back to one of the old go-betweens that I hoped I had
worn out, the Attorney-general. He signed, and bled me out of some more
money. From him to the other go-betweens at Whitehall. From them to
the Stamp Office, if I remember right, and oh Lord, didn't I fall among
leeches there? They drafted, they copied, they engrossed, they juggled
me out of time and money without end. The first leech was called
the Lord Keeper of the Seal; the second leech was called the Lord
Chancellor; it was some go-between that acted in his name; the third
leech was the Clerk of the Patents. They demanded more copies, and then
employed more go-betweens to charge ten times the value of a copy, and
nailed the balance, no doubt. 'Stand and deliver thirty pounds for
this stamp.' 'Stand and deliver to me that call myself the Chancellor's
purse-bearer--and there's no such creature--two guineas.' 'Stand and
deliver seven, thirteen, to the clerk of the Hanaper'--and there's
no such thing as a Hanaper. 'Stand and deliver three, five,' to a
go-between that calls himself the Lord Chancellor again, and isn't.
'Stand and deliver six, naught, to a go-between that acts for the
deputy, that ought to put a bit of sealing-wax on the patent, but hasn't
the brains to