gged it up again, and put
it all right for you.

_Lead._ (_shaking hands_). Thanks, so very much. But if persons had
forgotten it, why revert to it?

_Sub._ Oh, don't you see? Why, the point is, you are not a bit like
it-not a scrap like it! Next week I shall write and say that
it's rubbish to call you a turncoat, because you have always been
consistent.

_Lead._ (_anxiously_). But _is_ anybody calling me a turncoat?

_Sub._ Not that I know of, but they might, don't you see. So it's as
well to be on the safe side. I shall say that, if any one _did_ call
you a turncoat, that the speaker would prove himself a liar! That
ought to give you a leg up, oughtn't it?

_Lead._ (_with some hesitation_). My dear friend, you are _most_ kind;
but if you don't mind, I would be so immensely obliged if you would
leave my interests alone.

_Sub._ (_with great cordiality_). What, leave your interests alone!
Never! You may be always sure of _my_ hearty support!

_Lead._ (_earnestly_). But as a personal matter, I must beg of you
kindly to leave me alone.

_Sub._ (_reluctantly_). Well, of course, if you make it a personal
matter, I must consent. But the Party will suffer.

_Lead._ (_dryly_). Possibly--from your point of view. [_Exeunt._

* * * * *

JAWFUL NEWS!--_The Diminution of the Jaw in the Civilised Races_ is
the title of a pamphlet by Mr. F. HOWARD COLLINS. We haven't read
it; but if it be in favour of the diminution of "jaw," we heartily
recommend its study to all Members of Parliament, actual or intending,
and to all post-prandial speechmakers generally.

* * * * *

[Illustration: BUMBLEDOM'S BIG OPENING.

_Bumble_. "DON'T BOTHER ME ABOUT YOUR DRAINAGE AND SICH! WHY, NOW
THE SWELLS IS 'OOKIN' IT, I'M A-GOING TO BE CHAIRMAN OF THE COUNTY
COUNCIL!"]

_Bumble (after reading Dr. T. Orme Duffield's Report to the Vestry
of Kensington on the health and sanitary condition of the district),
loquitur_:--

Oh bother this sanit'ry bosh! Always piping the same dull old strains,
One would think there wos nothink in life to be done but go sniffing the
Drains!
Wich my nose is a dalicot one, and I don't like the job, not by lumps;
And I _won't_ be perpetual poked up by these peeping and prying old pumps.
"Bumbledom and Disease!" I like that,--like the _Times_' dashed himperence,
I think.
We porochial pots is to pass all our time a-prospecting