irl is not going to imagine a stranger, no matter how
perfect he may appear to be, anything but an ordinary human man after all.
And in finding out his bad points as well as his good, she is aided and
abetted, encouraged or held in check, by the members of the group to which
she belongs.
Suppose, for instance, that a stranger becomes attentive to Mary;
immediately her friends fix their attention upon him, watching him.
Twenty-five years ago the young men would have looked upon him with
jealousy, and the young women would have sought to annex him. To-day their
attitude is: "Is he good enough for Mary?" And, eagle-eyed, protective of
Mary, they watch him. If they think he is all right he becomes a member of
the group. It may develop that Mary and he care nothing for each other,
and he may fall in love with another member, or he may drift out of the
group again or he may stay in it and Mary herself marry out of it. But if
he is not liked, her friends will not be bashful about telling Mary
exactly what they think, and they will find means usually--unless their
prejudice is without foundation--to break up the budding "friendship" far
better than any older person could do. If she is really in love with him
and determined to marry in spite of their frankly given opinion, she at
least makes her decision with her eyes open.
There are also occasions when a young woman is persuaded by her parents
into making a "suitable marriage"; there are occasions when a young woman
persists in making a marriage in opposition to her parents; but usually a
young man either belongs in or joins her particular circle of intimate
friends, and one day, it may be to their own surprize, though seldom to
that of their intimates, they find that each is the only one in the world
for the other, and they become engaged.
=FIRST DUTY OF THE ACCEPTED SUITOR=
If a young man and his parents are very close friends it is more than
likely he will already have told them of the seriousness of his
intentions. Very possibly he has asked his father's financial assistance,
or at least discussed ways and means, but as soon as he and she have
definitely made up their minds that they want to marry each other, it is
the immediate duty of the man to go to the girl's father or her guardian,
and ask his consent. If her father refuses, the engagement cannot exist.
The man must then try, through work or other proof of stability and
seriousness, to win the father's approv
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