I had carried up
his boots, he rings the bell as if in a great fury. 'Do you call these
boots clean?' said young Cope, as soon as I showed myself at the door.
'Do you call these clean?' said he, flinging one boot at my head, and
then the other. 'Two can play at that game,' said I, catching the second
boot in my hand, 'two can play at that game,' said I, aiming it at young
Cope's head--not that I meant to fling it at young Cope's head, for young
Cope was a gentleman; yes, a gentleman, captain, though not Irish, for he
paid me my wages."

These last words seemed to have a rather quieting effect upon the
captain, who at the commencement of the speech had grasped his pipe
somewhat below the bowl and appeared by his glance to be meditating a
lunge at the eye of his eccentric servant, who continued smoking and
talking with great composure. Suddenly replacing the end of his pipe in
his mouth, the man turned to me, and in a tone of great _hauteur_ said:--

"So, sir, I am told by your friend there, that you are fond of the
humanities."

"Yes," said I, "I am very fond of humanity, and was always a great
admirer of the lines of Gay:--

'Cowards are cruel, but the brave
Love mercy and delight to save'."

"By my shoul, sir, it's an ignorant beast I'm thinking ye. It was not
_humanity_ I was speaking of, but the _humanities_, which have nothing at
all to do with it." Then turning to Frank, he demanded, "Was it not
yourself, Mr. Francis Ardry, that told me, when you took the liberty of
introducing this person to me, that he was addicted to philosophy,
prosody, and what not?"

"To be sure I did," said Frank.

"Well, sir, and are not those the humanities, or are you as ignorant as
your friend here?"

"You pretend to be a humanist, sir," said he to me, "but I will take the
liberty of showing your utter ignorance. Now, sir, do you venture to say
that you can answer a question connected with the Irish humanities?"

"I must hear it first," said I.

"You must hear it, must ye? Then you shall hear it to your confusion. A
pretty humanist I will show you to be; open your ears, sir!"--

'_Triuir ata se air mo bhas_'. {236}

"Now, sir, what does the poet mean by saying that there are three looking
after his death? Whom does he allude to, sir? hey?"

"The devil, the worms, and his children," said I, "who are looking after
three things which they can't hope to get before he is dead--the children
his property, the