e, and all will be over!'
Ah! my child, how often have those words rung mournfully in my ears--and
I have exclaimed--'A little more patience, and I too shall be at rest!'
"My father was violently affected by her death, recollected instances of
his unkindness, and wept like a child.
"My mother had solemnly recommended my sisters to my care, and bid me be
a mother to them. They, indeed, became more dear to me as they became
more forlorn; for, during my mother's illness, I discovered the ruined
state of my father's circumstances, and that he had only been able to
keep up appearances, by the sums which he borrowed of my uncle.
"My father's grief, and consequent tenderness to his children, quickly
abated, the house grew still more gloomy or riotous; and my refuge from
care was again at Mr. Venables'; the young 'squire having taken his
father's place, and allowing, for the present, his sister to preside at
his table. George, though dissatisfied with his portion of the fortune,
which had till lately been all in trade, visited the family as usual. He
was now full of speculations in trade, and his brow became clouded by
care. He seemed to relax in his attention to me, when the presence of my
uncle gave a new turn to his behaviour. I was too unsuspecting, too
disinterested, to trace these changes to their source.
My home every day became more and more disagreeable to me; my liberty was
unnecessarily abridged, and my books, on the pretext that they made me
idle, taken from me. My father's mistress was with child, and he, doating
on her, allowed or overlooked her vulgar manner of tyrannizing over us. I
was indignant, especially when I saw her endeavouring to attract, shall I
say seduce? my younger brother. By allowing women but one way of rising
in the world, the fostering the libertinism of men, society makes
monsters of them, and then their ignoble vices are brought forward as a
proof of inferiority of intellect.
The wearisomeness of my situation can scarcely be described. Though my
life had not passed in the most even tenour with my mother, it was
paradise to that I was destined to endure with my father's mistress,
jealous of her illegitimate authority. My father's former occasional
tenderness, in spite of his violence of temper, had been soothing to me;
but now he only met me with reproofs or portentous frowns. The
house-keeper, as she was now termed, was the vulgar despot of the family;
and assuming the new character
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