uttered, 'that I should soon repent of these preposterous airs;'
and, ordering tea to be carried into my little study, which had a
communication with my bed-chamber, he once more locked the door upon me,
and left me to my own meditations. I had passively followed him up
stairs, not wishing to fatigue myself with unavailing exertion.

"Nothing calms the mind like a fixed purpose. I felt as if I had heaved
a thousand weight from my heart; the atmosphere seemed lightened; and, if
I execrated the institutions of society, which thus enable men to
tyrannize over women, it was almost a disinterested sentiment. I
disregarded present inconveniences, when my mind had done struggling with
itself,--when reason and inclination had shaken hands and were at peace.
I had no longer the cruel task before me, in endless perspective, aye,
during the tedious for ever of life, of labouring to overcome my
repugnance--of labouring to extinguish the hopes, the maybes of a lively
imagination. Death I had hailed as my only chance for deliverance; but,
while existence had still so many charms, and life promised happiness, I
shrunk from the icy arms of an unknown tyrant, though far more inviting
than those of the man, to whom I supposed myself bound without any other
alternative; and was content to linger a little longer, waiting for I
knew not what, rather than leave 'the warm precincts of the cheerful
day,' and all the unenjoyed affection of my nature.

"My present situation gave a new turn to my reflection; and I wondered
(now the film seemed to be withdrawn, that obscured the piercing sight of
reason) how I could, previously to the deciding outrage, have considered
myself as everlastingly united to vice and folly? 'Had an evil genius
cast a spell at my birth; or a demon stalked out of chaos, to perplex my
understanding, and enchain my will, with delusive prejudices?'

"I pursued this train of thinking; it led me out of myself, to expatiate
on the misery peculiar to my sex. 'Are not,' I thought, 'the despots for
ever stigmatized, who, in the wantonness of power, commanded even the
most atrocious criminals to be chained to dead bodies? though surely
those laws are much more inhuman, which forge adamantine fetters to bind
minds together, that never can mingle in social communion! What indeed
can equal the wretchedness of that state, in which there is no
alternative, but to extinguish the affections, or encounter infamy?'

CHAP. XII.

"