given to the 'Ercles vein.
I'm sure I do not want to hurt your feelings,
I simply say I can't stand SERPA'S dealings.

Plain English this, my little Portuguee,
And BARROS GOMES will tell you I mean it.
Fight? Pigmy _versus_ Titan? Fiddlededee!
My meaning--without menaces, you'll glean it--
Is this--I would not hector, no, nor "nag,"
Only, my lad--_you'll just come off that Flag!_

* * * * *

LONDON FOR THE LONDONERS;

_Or, How to Please Everybody_.

SCENE--_Railway Compartment._ BROWN _and_ JONES _discovered reading
Newspapers._

_Brown_ (_putting down his journal_). Not much news, Sir.

_Jones_ (_following the example_). Quite so, Sir--not much.

_Brown._ Perhaps, Sir, the most interesting item is this talk about London
Improvement.

_Jones._ So I think, Sir. But what do we want with this plan for widening
the Strand, and making a road to Holborn? It seems to me, Sir, that the
suburbs are being neglected.

_Brown._ I agree with you, Sir. Now, if they would develop the North of
London, it would be more to the purpose. If they would run a road direct
from Charing Cross to, say Zanzibar Terrace, Upper Kensal Green, West, it
would really be of service to the public.

_Jones._ Very likely, Sir--very likely. For my part, it seems to me that
Chiswick also requires a helping hand. The construction of a broad
boulevard running from Charing Cross in a straight line to, say, Upham Park
Road, would tend to show that the County Council justly appreciated its own
responsibilities. And I say this, knowing the necessities of Chiswick, for
in that neighbourhood I happen to reside.

_Brown._ And I, too, Sir, am equally cognisant of the requirements of Upper
Kensal Green West. As a matter of fact, Sir, I happen to have a comfortable
house in Zanzibar Terrace.

_Jones._ And I, Sir, a delightful villa in Upham Park Road.

[_Whistle. Train enters tunnel, and further conversation is drowned by the
rattle of the carriages._

* * * * *

A Musical Anticipation.

FRED COWEN'S _Viking_
Sure to be striking.
Think there is luck in
BARTON MCGUCKIN.

* * * * *

UNSOUGHT HONOUR.--After his last Birthday, Mr.
GLADSTONE was unanimously elected a Member of "the
Eighty Club."

* * * * *

[Illustration: PLAIN ENGLISH!

JOHN BULL. "LOOK HERE, MY LITTLE