]

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SLAPS FOR SLIPPERS.

SIR,--I am at a loss to understand what is the meaning of all this futile
discussion as to the respective merits of the various kinds of road
pavement. There cannot be a moment's doubt, as to which is, far and away,
the cheapest, the safest, and--in a word--the--best. Without any
hesitation, I maintain that it is the _Asphalte_. And I do not speak
without experience. For many years I have picked mine up from the box-seat
of a hearse, which I think my most virulent opponents will admit, from the
ticklish character of its cattle, accustomed as they are to a stiff, formal
and lugubrious method of progression, affords a test that must be regarded
as supreme by all candid and unprejudiced inquirers into the matter under
dispute.

_In the wettest weather_ I have never had so much as a slip on the
asphalte, whereas the moment I have got on to the wood, when it has been
_comparatively dry_, I have frequently had the horses down as many as seven
or eight times in half a mile, and on one occasion, that I can recall, the
stumbling was so frequent, that the Chief Mourner stopped the procession,
and sent me an irritable message to the effect that, if I could not manage
to keep my horses more securely on their feet, I had better then and there
"hand over the corpse, and let it finish its journey to the Cemetery on the
top of the first mourning-coach." Fortunately, we came shortly to a bit of
asphalte, on which I was able to bowl merrily along, and make up for lost
time; and, as at length we reached the Cemetery only an hour and
three-quarters after the appointed time, the Chief Mourner, whatever may
have been his disposition to make complaints, had the good taste to keep
them to himself. Still, the incident was annoying, and I attribute its
occurrence simply and solely to that pest of all sure and stately-footed
hacks--_the Wood Pavement_.

[Illustration]

Beyond holding three thousand Preference Shares in the _European and
Inter-oceanic Asphalte Paving Company_, and having signed a contract to
supply them for seventeen years with the best Pine Pitch on favourable
terms, I have not the slightest interest to subserve in writing this
letter, which I think any quite impartial critic will allow, curtly, but
honestly, expresses the unprejudiced opinion of

AN UNBIASSED JUDGMENT.

SIR,--I am a private gentleman, who keeps a carriage, or rather, a
four-hor